Snip Snip!

I did the most deliberate thing this evening after dinas shift was over.

I said "hooray, obama won!" a day too late. haha. and...

I got a hair-cut.

An expensive cut that i've been avoiding for over a year (yet keep telling my friend, ahem.. hehe..that i was going to get it done), all in 30 minutes-plus the hair mask and treatment of course ;)

no idea why i did it. just suddenly felt like chopping it all off.

and now i feel young and weightless.

hee hee. oh no. i'm cracking myself up.


Aren't those tell-tale signs of something?

uh-oh.

Psychotic and non-psychotic

We took the MMPI test yesterday, after registering with the residents of the psychiatric departments.

MMPI stands for the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. To see our unconcious mind whether we ourselves have mental disorders or not. funny.

Day One
-------
+ reporting for duty
+ introduction to the department by residents
+ instructions for case handling and assignments with supervisor and personal resident guide.
(i got the so called angelic Dr.Sonny Lisal, Sp.KJ)
+ on call schedule given out and lucky me. straight away tonight was my shift to 'jaga'

afternoon shift: 2pm-9pm
night shift: 9pm-7am
office hours: 7.30am-2pm

As excited as i was to be the first to jaga malam, i was kind of scared. and intimidated by the howls of such psychotic patients in my care.
thankfully only 2 patients required me to do a 3 hour follow up.
One patient was a B20 patient with TB and dyspnea. She was the one we all had to worry about.

i ended up only sleeping between 3-5 am. my first sleepless night inside the co-ass chamber. we accepted 3 patients in the middle of the night with complaints of rage and hallucinations.

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a lot of people say working in the psych department can drive u crazy. i used to think that wasn't true. but 2 days in and i do think i'm no different than some of them that are sleeping in these wards that i roam. Okay, so i don't think i'm GOD..or is paranoid that an FBI agent is gonna kill me..but u know what i mean.

Back to Reality

i am leaving for Mkassar today. in 12 hours i would have to check in for that dreaded flight.

yep. and I'm still high strung on the 'holiday syndrome'

bad news is, my sis just got admitted to the hospital a few hours ago. Her asthma acting up again. I feel bad for still having to leave while she's being monitored; but there is nothing much i can do. i leave her my best wishes and prayers to be well again.

shoes. bags. skirts. some bits and pieces of furniture, my cam and computer gadgets. sighs. all strewn across the floor waiting for me to pick them up and stuff em' into my bag. wait; which bag? dilemma. books, books and the endless mountain of books i thought i could carry. 15kgs...who am i kidding. air asia should make it 15 kg per bag, they already are charging each bag we bring..haiyah.

will miss home. my dearly beloved siblings. teman-teman ku juge.

back to reality.

Why so serious?

KKN is over,

and yes Kak Wani. i am one of the few that keeps playing each detail of everyday in my head, and reminisce the "beautifully painted" good times i had.

And honestly, it was 3 parts fun + 2 parts stress for me. personally. I made new friends, improved my local knowledge and interaction skills, helped the local community as fas as i was able and came home feeling relieved yet a bit empty.

Maybe its because when i got home, my house was empty. My housemate wasn't back yet, my pets Ella and Mocha were still at H's house. I unpacked, cleaned the house, did my laundry and just sat in the living room thinking of the others; how we would usually play cards at this hour. Or walk together to the 'bakso stall'. Heck, i even miss the morning banter for the bathroom rights.

But i am postively cured now. How can i not be? even when KKN was over a week ago, my posko mates and i have met up twice for karaoke sessions. And boy they had a lot of fun. Surprisingly, whatever tension we saw between some parties earlier on were faded down to Nil. Which i was happy about.

Oh, and I got my KKN grade too. A ;) Alhamdulillah.

Now..i am again stressed..but for the preparations of this coming grad ceremony. Sure, its only for S.Ked. Our 1st graduation. But wearing the robe and cap is a right i think we all earned after these long 3 years eh? So why so serious?

Photos

Top left: Adilah, Ems, Tas, Sakinah Bottom left: Adeq, Has, Zazzy, Dots


The song i've been playing on my phone is now stuck in my head
I even saved it as my message tone. ;) Love the simplicity of the superfluous voice over the tinkering of the piano. 'Love song' by Sara Bareilles.

So, here, today. Just gonna share it with you. Because listening to all those sappy love stories, or awful romance trials the people around me have gone through, i just like this song. makes no sense eh? right.



Sara Bareilles Lyrics
Love Song Lyrics

and while i am busy printing my flipcharts for the 4th time! (you see how i can get all riled up by what this course is costing me?) went through some photos of Tash she updated on Fb.

Just realised how much i miss em all.

This morning i received a text from Dot, planning a quick getaway trip to Penang. And yeah, it would have been great to be able to reply a yes (after so many sorry's and can'ts in the last few years) but had to turn it down.

Dids use to tell me how she feels at times looking at photos of our friends back home and feeling left out. but we know how it is. We'll be back, for everything..even if we have missed most of the moments. there will be more to look forward to.

Now, if only i can get this flip chart done.

Dates

Yesterday was the 4th of June. Maybe it's not a good thing for me to remind myself of someone who is gone; but yesterday would have been his 77th birthday. Today, during presentation i received another notification of death of a loved one. But this time he was only 3 years old. Lee; adorable yet annoying Lee Kuan Yew (yes, we named him after the S'pore president..oddly enough my grandfather named his cat Lee too.So it was in his honor we gave him that name)

So really, i am not in mourning of the loss of my cat, but the loss of another part of the memory i kept of my late grandfather. it's been two years; almost two years since he left us. But as anyone who have lost a loved one would say that it still feels like yesterday.

To me at least; and i know my sister us having an even harder time whenever little reminders of Baba creeps up. I was with him when it happened. When everything started to go downhill.
But yesterday, all i did was mull in front of the computer to deal with my tutorial reports and snuck a few episodes of House in between to avoid falling asleep. Wasn't even paying attention to the date. Untill i got the text from my sister.

Yeah, guilt was all over me then. How could i forget? in my defense, these past few days have been really hectic so i had the dates jumbled up really. But still, the guilt is there.
When do you start to let go? I know life has to go on and it has. But when you start to forget; does it portray you as a machine? cold. heartless. or just forgetful?

I wonder. I hope i won't forget next year.

So here's to Lee, a beloved cat who was mostly stuck up but pretty and so annoyingly loving that we always pushed him away. Hope Tigger isn't so lonely.

a beginners guide

If you are reading this, which i doubt you are, welcome!

this would be; i could say the fifth blog page i've ever written in. Despite the fact that i once vowed to stop writing crap that i'm sure nobody reads anyway. two years back. I am, in my heart and soul a writer. Or so i would prefer to believe so.

Truthfully, it is a far better way to spend my precious free time ranting or rambling (putting the title description to good use here) to an unknown audience (this saying i actually have one) than staring at my TV screen watching dvd's all day. Did i mention my free time?

Also, i always thought my opinions should be heard, that is way i make such a good conversationalist (yeah, i wish). Anyway..the last two posts i put up here was merely an appetizer to what kind of things i will soon paste up here. And yeah, they were actually the few previous posts i had in my other blog pages; which is visibly inactive at this stage. but hey, those were good times...


In light of my layout, it was chosen by a good friend..though today i was thinking of changing it again. something darker and more subdued..they way i always had it. BUt i'm thinking i should keep it vibrant and eye-catching. So, i am in a dilemma. To change or not to change. It is fairly new..so i may keep this layout for awhile. Untill i can find a more suitable one..or manage to get a friend to design one for me.

SO here it is; what i would say a short (see..it is kinda short for an opening specch no?) intro to what is my blog. expect some mind-boggling bits of literature on my part next. AS i say au revoir for now ;)

Reading more of my time-consuming novel these days.and trying to go green all the way.