The Construction of Memories

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

2011-10-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

so the wonderfully poised and elegant Miss Audrey hepburn said something like that. or those might have been her exatc words. I'm not too sure but i think it's a good start to an entry, no?

I was in Singapore recently, for a quick 2 day trip to check out Universal Studios with my old travelling buddy Miss Dids. And it was quite a fun adventure, since i had been vyong for a road trip away from home and all things familiar prior to that.

But no, it wasn't a road trip, we opted for the cheaper and time saving mode of travel- commercial low cost air line! (trust me, its cheaper than the bus or train! hah!) But once in singapore we managed with the cost-friendly and traffic avoiding system of the MRT.

we stayed at hotel 81 in geylang for those looking for a cheap, but quite comfortable place to stay in! it was about 60 sing dollars a night. cheap right...and its close to the MRT. 5 min walking distance.

before i bore you with more pictures as i have now realized that i really dont have much to say. I'll sum up our 2 day trip. "UNIVERSAL STUDIOS".

so we rode the rides, bought the drinks, tried out the theme diners, divorced the frankestein, bought a whole bag of candies for the sake of buying and did the touristy thing of walking around taking photos of ourselves with a map. :D

oh, and of course we couldn't miss the opening of

AND do this :D .

Toodles.

Tv-isms and its form of addiction

2011-08-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

"If you're using half your concentration to look normal, then you're only half paying attention to whatever else you're doing. Just pointing out something that could save your life. You want society to accept you, but you can't even accept yourself."

X-Men First class. One of the few superhero movies i've been watching in the past few months. The best one of the bunch if you ask me, aside from Thor i think.
Green Lantern was not taking itself too seriously so in my opinion it was much of a bust but Captain America, i did enjoy thoroughly even in its own sense of cheesiness. He was exactly what an American hero is. though i never was a fan of the comics. Can't wait for The Avengers to come out next year and the latest installment of Batman.

quite the tv addict post wwork these days. Its like being mindlessly watching stupid reality shows fills my soul and de-stress my head from whatever happened at work everyday. I dont know if thats healthy.
The Voice is kinda cool. The winner Javier Colon ahs some awesome tunes.
And then there is True Blood - the vampire series i've been following since its first season- a bit on the explicit nude scenes too much though.
And of course thoe cooking shows. Masterchef, ironchef, DC cupcakes. Heloo its fasting month..its like a never ending cycle of cravings and food requestas after tuning in and you can't just stop. : p

I have been
On updates:

Much has happened from June to August. We are now in the Holy month of Ramadhan, so Salam Ramadhan to the muslims out there.

I lost a very good friend last month to an incident no one expected. Al-fatihah and my prayers go out to you. I miss you dearly Miss Shakeera Hani Adnan. Known her for over 10 years. I believe Allah SWT has better plans for her.

A close friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Babycakes Khaisah Bt. Hashley. Got to see her 3 times already and how adorable is she! :)

Wish there was more to write. Maybe when i feel lke it in another day or two.

Need to catch up on my zzs.

A never ending cycle of stupidity

2011-06-24T04:42:00.000-07:00

That was what my Boss, the yo-yo said about our patients decision to forgo an operation. It was an AKA operation or Above Knee Amputation. I dont find it very professional to insult someones personal right not to cut off their legs.

yes their limbs can't be saved. Yes the bacteria or flesh eating bacterias will ascend and spread if we do not. But who are we to force an action on them.

It is our duty to advice.

Working life has been shaky for me to start off with. I've been on the job for 5 weeks now and there's no satisfaction. Maybe a tiny bit.

I dont HATE my job.
I'm just still trying to find my footing in the sea of H.O's who are far more worthy and quick on their feet and mind than i am.

Everyday i wonder if i'm doing the right thing. If i know exactly what i'm doing and if i really want to do this for the rest of my life.

Orthopaedics Department is not too heavy-handed. The protocols and procedures are though. I've had 4 calls which by normal HO standard is really not much but too me, i feel like i'm struggling.

sighs.

Took a sick leave today. And could not help to think about work all day which made my sick day unenjoyable.
Had a headache and migraine, so didn't go to work.
But i had no idea not going to work and thinking about work at home could give me more headache,

I believe i care too much.

Am working on weekends too so i guess i shouldn't feel guilty.

Let's hope my mood will pick up in the next few weeks and i'll be a pro in no time :)

"I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you... Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you,"

2011-04-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

There's just something soothing about a soft voice singing easily accompanied by the strumming of a guitar. I've played this song over and over about a year ago. And then rediscovered it when it randomly played on my ipod.

Its been a week since my interview. Been restless waiting for THAT envelope with my name on it to arrive so i can report to duty (sounds like I'm going into the army). The truth is being on holiday is nice. For a short period of time. When it goes on longer than a month, you get restlesss.

No more classes to go to. No more quizzes to take. No more being late to class or tell a friend about that awesome procedure you got to do the hospital. Being in between getting a job and graduating is becoming stale. For me.

I may complain now. But i know i'll wish for holidays as soon as i start working.

Ah. The incomplete pointless unsatisfied feeling in us humans.

I'm rambling.

The video above is titled falling in love at a coffee shop. Coffee, something i have loved for years. Flat white all the way dude :). Since my holidays began, i've been frequenting a few food haunts with friends.

There was Fat Spoon that i went almost 3x in 2 weeks. But today we decided to look for the awesomely delectable Mille Crepe cake in PJ at Food Foundry.

The crepe cake was exceptionally good and so were the pastas. Mille is "thousand" so Mille crepe is supposedly a thousand layers of crepe with splashes of cream in between the layers to make up one awesome cake.

A slice of cake and good company always makes it better.

" Say what you mean, Tell me I'm right. Give me a sign, I wanna believe,"

2011-04-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

The Terrace of DeLuna Cafe, Makassar March 2011.

Good morning wednesday. I am somewhat relieved to have gone through my Interview yesterday with less stumble than i had expected.

I'd write a blow-by-blow detailed Interview but then I realize that this might bore you to death. So i'll make it short and as interesting as possible.

Slept over at Huey's the night before to "prepare" the last minute details of what to bring, what to read, and what to wear for our first S.P.A Interview. We dallied between quizzing medical facts and playing Angry birds before we hit the sack at half past midnight. Thankfully mum rang to wake me up at 5.40a.m. so we wouldn't be late to head to Putrajaya from Damansara.

We met up with Asma at the parking lot and made way into the Interview room. Needless to say it started on time, 8.am and the first numbers were displayed on screen. I was no.11 for my interview room. And staring at the clock between Interviews, running for bathroom breaks every few minutes was exhausting. I blame the nerves. Tummy aches too untill about 10 a.m. When my turn was up, we had gathered some of teh questions that seemed to be repeated or asked of almost all the candidates so i took a deep breath and calmed myself beforeturning the door knob and facing my future employers.

There were two interviewers. One lady who looked like she put on a bit too much make-up, with big hair and wears her golds and jewels proudly around her. And another man in a sharp suit who smiled and asked me to sit. The man was the doctor, and the lady was an officer of S.P.A and turned out not to be as menacing as her looks.

They did the small talk of my background, then graduated to my grades, before starting on the tough questions. My knowledge of the 5-year-medical degree.

"What diseases do you know. Let's start with that." the doctor asked.
Wow. Isnt that a bit too wide? Then i started with infectious diseases, then thyroid problems, then DM before he stopped me and started getting to the point.

He had found my weak point. Statistical research questions. Percentage of certain cases in Malaysia. Number of cases of CVD's and Tropical diseases in the past year.

There you go. I hadn't read up on that. or i did , but it wasn't anough information. Because i didn't have the numbers he wanted. Thankfully it went okay. He explained what i couldn't answer. And sent me out of the room after 20 minutes. Phew...

At 2.30 pm they let us know that we passed the interview.

Now I'm joyously awaiting my induction letter. Sigh. Work must come.

Is it too soon?

You hit me once, i kick you back

2011-04-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

" A kiss with a fist is better than none.." Florence and the Machines

keeps playing in my head in the lsat 24 hours since i heard it.
isn't it domestic violence in a love story? but the beat is cool.

I've been neglecting my blog again.
Can you blame me?
Tumblr's so much more.. easier to be lost in.
Also, i believe i have no more ways with words as i once used to.
Can't seem to prepare words to write up a piece even when i feel like i have so much to say.

But here i am.
Writing again. :)

I finally had my graduation on March 24th 2011. I now hold a Medical Degree. which means i am now an M.D.
you know?
Medical Doctor.
Yikes.

I filled in the necessary forms, applied for the hospitals i think are good and close for my two years of housemanship
and now all i've been doing is waiting.
The Interview (oooh!) will be on the 12th of April. That's 3 days away.
An my preparation for it?

Lots of reading up. Which i have failed to do.
I hope when i'm done writing this i'll log out and actually do some reading.
Ran 2km on the treadmill this morning (my new aspiration to keep fit)
drank a cup pf coffee.
so hopefully nothing will put me to sleep in the next 12 hours at least :p.

Okay folks. The doctor has got to get back to the books. :)

The doctor. Tee hee.

There and Back Again

2011-01-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

no, this is no Hobbit's tale.

Although at my height, there may be some possibilities, and the fact that i have big..no wide feet?..ok that's not the point. Its the New Year :) .
2011.

And naturally a lot of things have happened since my last post. Good things. a lot of good things. Looking at the sidebar of things i wanted to achieve by the end of 2010? Glad to say i scratched out most with gusto.
To start things off, how was your NYE? I spent mine at home, very quietly sleeping. hehe. yeay, no excitement there. I fell asleep between 10 to 11 watching fireworks outside my house. But i did have a new Year's Day barbecue with my friends :) we shopped, cleaned and cooked our way through a lot of sea creatures and added in some Italian choices for the menu. After dinner, we played fireworks and a game of monopoly before we retired around 10pm. woot! we play hard don't we?

Did i mention that i'm done? I'm done with being a medical student?
yep. Finished.
I've graduated to being a real life doctor now.
wow.
Feels cheesy saying it.
I think other people should say i'm a doctor. I feel cheesy.
....
....
No, I'm actually really happy and proud of myself for going through 5 and 1/2 years of medical education to grant a title with a much bigger responsibility to humanity than i could ask for.
I still can't believe I'm a doctor.
Nadiah Alwi. M.D

And yes, i am still in Makassar Indonesia.
Had my oath-taking in the last days of December.
None of my family member was there though because everything was so last minute, and rushed. I only knew i could join the oath-taking ceremony the day before, so you see, i only told my parents on the day itself.

Among the 30 that took the oath with us, 5 of us decided to run to a photo studio and get snapped. In our gear. It was one of the most fun I had. Free from worry.

So this post, that i'm writing here, is just to tell you, i graduated :)

Mum and Dad, this was for you. Alhamdulillah.

Cambodia - Kemboja Part 2

2010-07-30T03:14:00.000-07:00

Siem Reap

The  Khmer or Angkor Civilization  came into existence during the period from 802  to 1431 A.D. and  stretched as far as the modern Thailand-Burma Border in the West and Wat  Phou of Laos in the North during its peak.

Its  emergence lies in the fact that the ancient Khmer rulers adopted a  right political doctrine of its time, which enforce the unity among  people. Moreover, they had developed an intelligent irrigation system to  control the water of the great Mekong River for agricultures, which  enhanced its prosperity.  The Khmer Civilization had long been perished  over 5 centuries ago, but it left outstanding monuments such as the  great Khmer temples of Angkor Wat and Bayon and numerous unique  sculptures like Apsara.

The word "Angkor" is derived Sanskrit, an ancient Indian language, of "Nagara" which means "City".  Angkor Wat literally means "City of Temple" and  Angkor Thom "The Magnificent City". 

The drive to Siem reap, was for as long as 8-hours (reminded me of our good old annual Hari Raya KL-Kelantan drive). It was bumpy, long but scenic. In which case i noticed there were NO CATS to be seen. Weird. 3 days in cambodia and not a single cat?

Theory:
Cambodians eat cats.

The above theory was supported by my fellow traveller who said that he had a cambodian neighbor who took in all the stray cats and made soup. aaaaaaa. no way!

anyway..the drive was scenic, and long. and filled with temples from left to right. there were exactly 245 temples in between those 8 hours. we counted.
Siem Reap was bautiful. it was small, clean, and filled with four-five star hotels. It reminded me of Luang Prabang. where there were many tourists, but no night pubs. everythig was serene and cooler thn Phnom Penh.

I immediately fell for this place. did i say it was clean and immaculate?

So we went to see the Angkor. Not just the Angkor Wat, we saw the Elephant terrace, we climbed up into the Angkor Bayon and Ta Phrom. You know, where Angelina did her Tomb Raider thing.

To describe it is as difficult as it was to xplore it. To enter the Angkor, you have to purchase a ticket. It can be a one day ticket or a one week ticket. or even a one month ticket.

To xplore the whole Wat by foot on a day ticket was suicide. ~~I mentally opted for the bicycle route only to find out that you have to rent the bike in town, and then cycle to Angkor, and inside Angkor itself. so, scratch that~~! Bus ride it is with the rest of the tour group.

Our tour guide, was awesome! Mr Tan, whom i thought was a chinese Malaysian, but was actually a local Cambodaian told great stories. I mean history. yeah.
We only had a day and a half in Siem Reap, so we made the most of one day in Angkor. and the rest of the half day xploring the other options.

1. Silk worm factory!
2. Tonle Sap river boat ride.

If you dont know what Tonle Sap is. pls google and shame on your geography teacher.

those 2 i shall write about in the next entry. :D

Cambodia - Kemboja

2010-07-30T02:07:00.000-07:00

 Phnom PenH

   I had a dream of conquering SouthEast Asia on my travels. When i say conquer i dont mean wars and spilled blood. I meant, of the educational leisure kind. :) It is my own country's back-yard. And so since 2009 i have checklisted the countries i've stepped in.

Laos, Vietnam and Singapore. Cambodia, Thailand and Myanmar was still part of another plan (Granted that when my family roamed in bangkok, i was the only one left alone at home for my friends had planned an awesome surprise 16th birthday party for me :D ).

And in June, i finally made it to Cambodia, the famous world-heritage site of the oldest buddhist monument; The Angkor-Wat.  

Here is a view of the capital, Phnom Penh from the MAS 3-hour flight i took.

Arriving in Phnom Penh on my own, i took the first cab into the city which was about a 30-minute drive towards the hotel mum was staying at: Swiss inn. It was Malaysian owned and the only hotel crawling with Malaysians! (contributed by the fact that it served only halal food which was hard to find in this city). 

settling in, as mum was busy with her seminar, i joined her young-minded colleagues and her student in exploring the city. First stop was the royal palace.  

A brief history of Cambodia and the Khmer people for those who were ignorant of our Malay roots as well as combined east-asia culture like myself (sighs):

Cambodia is a country in South East Asia, less than half the size of  California and twice the size of Scotland. Once it was the centre of the  ancient kingdom of the Khmer, and its capital was Angkor, famous for  its 12th century temples. The present day capital is Phnom Penh. In 1953  Cambodia gained independence after nearly 100 years of French rule. In  the 1960s the population was over 7m, almost all Buddhists, under the  rule of a monarch, Prince Sihanouk.

    I thought going to the royal palace, i might catch a glimpse of the royal Prince! but no such luck, we were however greeted by a giant portrait of Her Majesty the Queen. In my minds eye i was wondering what Queen Elizabeths photo was doing out here? And then the tuk-tuk driver told us that i was wrong. The portrait was of the Queen of Cambodiaa, Queen Monineath of the French lineage who resembles the British ruler down to a T. Though recalling i thing Queen M is pretty hot. haha.

   Anyway, we took the royal tour, and then walked along the Tonle Sap lake across the palace. It reeked. I guess its the same as Italy's waterways as they say. Photos can deceive u. just remember not to breathe in too long :)

Along the riverfront there were vendors selling flowers, in coconut vases! as well as insence sticks for us to vurn n pray. But most of all there were so many vendors selling fried creepy crawlies. Its similar to waht you might find in Thailand, but they smelled delicious though. But takng a second look my stomach turned and we settled for photo snapping instead. :)

Phnom Penh wasnt making too big an impression on me, so we decided to check out the all day market to feast on some shopping possibilities. Like any market; you can find bags, clothes, caps, food, shawls and the cambodian silk in every nook and cranny. Other wares include silver, bangles and jewelleries made of the local stones (which were awesomely cheap!)> Everything is negotiable and sells mostly in USD rather than Cambodian Riyal. But a majority of the Cambodians know Malay words, and take RM too!

There were calls of "Kakak, Abang, sini murah murah. cantik cantik," "tak mahal,"

which made us smile. AAh the comfort and hospitality of Asians :D.

English is easily understood though not really spoken. They do however excel at french. Wow! Being the cheapskate student traveller that i am. I bargained with the lowest prices and was answered by mostly laughs and shooaways by shop owners but the few that fell for my smile and childish bargaining (hahahah.) gave in to some low low prices (T-shirts was less than USD 1. thanks!)

2 Days in Phnom penh was just us walking around the city to see the sights and night market for food and shop. I couldnt wait for the bus ride to Siem Reap. The city of Angkor.

Life made out of cut-outs and memories

2010-07-30T01:19:00.000-07:00

The photos as promised. :)

Zaznuriah Zahir & Hashley Tajuddin

Nurfarissa Hussin & Rushdan Anuar

Gorgeous Garden Wedding

To both my gorgeoud friends and their husbands :) who we have known for years as well; congratulations and may both newlyweds have the best of future, in love, life and everything in between.Alhamdulillah ;)

Rainbow veins

2010-07-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

Bright eyes and subtle variations of blow...

Owl City writes awesome songs. I'm a fan. not a HUGE fan. but some of their songs are so fun, upbeat and yeat meaningful. I am writing this simply because their new album is playing int he background and it has been on repeat for a week now (yes, i am the type who will never tire of a new cd for about 2 weeks till i find a new album to obsess about).

I miss writing. I've been overly invested on my other interests and obligations in the past few months for lack of a better explanation. Perhaps no one will read this but just in case you might stumble upon my barren blog. i might as well writer something. :p

I got my anesthesiology department results today. And if u know me n realize i put up 'I <3 SAGA' on my fb status? I wasnt referring to Proton's first car, or my good ol car back home. Its an abbreviation of my examiner's name. Because i got an A! (i have bragging rights yes!)

Lats just say i was pleasantly surprised because a LOT has happened in that department and in between my holiday period before i took that exam. My hopes of excelling were practically zero.

Long story short. I went back to Malaysia on June 4th, a night before Za's wedding, on my scheduled exam day to which i had to postpone till i got back from Malaysia.

And i stayed in Malaysia till 14th July because Sha's wedding was on the 10th. You see? they are my closest and oldest girlfriends which made both weddings impossible to miss. I put my exam on hold for those two. And of course my ex-uia roomie Tai2's 3rd reception was on the 4th of July. Do you see where i'm going with this? (Photos i'm gonna put up in the next entry )

And once i was in Malaysia--for no less than 6 weeks; it's probable to say i was definitely going to travel somewhere and not be home ALL day.

I went to Melaka and Kedah to see my brothers.
I accompanied my mum to Cambodia on a seminar.
I went on a foodie road-trip with pals to Ipoh

And i stayed up late everynight to watch the World Cup.

Did you think i had time to study?

So on the day i flew back (14th), went home, cleaned up the ol shack and studied a little.
i went to see my examiner the enxt day to report to him and he set up my exam date, for two days later.

On the same day i was reporting for my first week duties of the O.B.G.Y.N dept. So mentally i was breaking down for fear of failure. And believe me when i say you DO NOT want to repeat anesthesiology dept.

He made me wait. As usual. About 4 hours. while he waited for all his opeartions to be over. then he decide to give me a written exam. (phewww).

And here we are. :)

like i said. I <3 Saga :D

Square one

2010-04-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

So i realize i've been missing from blogger.com.

And the reason for this was that i was preoccupied with work and med school (yeah. right.),
and somewhere between those weeks i also discovered tumblr.

And now i am a proud owner of a tumblr page, exclusively just for posting up things like awesome recipes, photos and general stuff i could reblog.

This page is more dedicated to the writer side in me though i find it extremely hard to find that side of me these days. Writing a paper or a review on researchers was more than difficult; which makes me doubt myself.

But of course the weakness in me writing that review was because it had to be in perfect Indonesian..and yeas. i tanked. pretty much. besides, i wonder if anybody reads this at all.

I've got an exam coming up tomorriw morning, so this is just me wasting time and avoiding to study.

check out my tumblr if you're ever interested :)

www.dydeealwi.tumblr.com

back to learning ;)

Tidal Waves

2010-03-06T18:16:00.000-08:00

Ever felt like you're buried under so much thought, and a tidal wave was coming?

Just a sense of a bad feeling? Hmm.

Nevermind. Its just a lazy sunday and i miss blogging. So much has happened since my last entry, but i don't have the energy to sum up everything in one entry. Let me just express my confounding thoughts with photos. :)

I finally saw Sherlock Holmes, and i <3 it.

"You have the grand gift of silence, Watson. It makes you quite invaluable as a companion" - Sherlock Holmes.

Alice in Wonderland: I had expected more from Tim Burton,
JD as usual was brilliant

" Tell me, why is a Raven like a writing desk?"

.......

And yes, i just saw this. Don't tell me you don't feel like singing and dancing to ur own group of GLEE?

Sue: "Never let anything distract you from winning."

.......

yes, am watching a lot of dvd's and just chillin at home between working hours at the community clinic.
but hey, i deserve it :)

and right now, i'm baking choc chip cookies. hehe. i miss baking. i miss cookies. and i want my house to smell like baked vanilla essence :p.
...

Mirror yourself

2010-02-16T05:13:00.000-08:00

Before you read on, be warned that this might just be a very- very long post.

Now that i've given out the courtesy warning sentence, here goes.

I realize now that blogs, and facebook, and twitter are oh-so-accomadating in linking everyone with old friends, making it easier to get to know new people; and of course to 'window-shop' qualities, interests and photos (admit it. u stalk certain peoples pages too! ahah!) of others. Knowing all this, said companies have come up with private settings where we get the privellege and right, to choose whom we allow into our midst.

Do we judge what people potray on their pages? what words and shout outs their tweets say? what photos they put up?

YES.

the simple answer is, yes..- we do judge. The only difference between each person is whether or not they keep their judgement and opinions to themselves; or choose to do something about it.

My personal opinion is, everyone has a right to do their own thing, be their own way and discover themselves. Yes, i will think certain things about you, or i will have a thought of what you potray but i know its none of my business. Misinterpretations are a common thing as well, so i know that liberation and freedom is key. But different types of keys.

I am a person who values my privacy. My right to keep things the way i have always kept them.

I don't consider myself someone important. But i forget.e

I forget who my father is.

I forget who he used to work for.

I forget how dirty politicians can be.

I forget how keeping up appearances is something you may have to live by.

Why?

I am 25 years old.

The illusion of freedom and independence does not sit well on me.

The desecration of my privacy as well as the privacy of my family is not a light matter.

To ruin a man, a family man with images of their children living free, but misinterpreted as something else? photoshopped to show indecency? i am apallaed. speechless and full of hate.

Allah knows everything. The good, as well as the bad - and we will all be judged.

You shall get yours as well.

That, i can promise you.

Love & celebrations

2010-02-13T11:11:00.000-08:00

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday." - (500 days of Summer)

Today, the 14th of February is a Sunday. And coincidentally the first day of the Chinese New Year. How will i make it lasting and memorable? ...

Psssst...someone told me...

2010-02-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

"you're the easiest person to get along with, that i know " - A.

Told you that was going on my blog. :p hehe.
Takde keje. sighs.

Exam's are over.

i shall post a very extensive post on my exp. in surgical dept. it was..more than just educational ;)

and we are so fragile

2010-02-01T06:03:00.000-08:00

"There are days when you think all is well and nothing can hinder the joyous air. and then reality hits"

Amidst the stressful days of surgical rounds and chasing the residents and supervisors so that i am
deemed qualified to be examined- i lost my will and strength.
Life is full of challenges.
But in between it all i'm glad i can still laugh and forget the dark days when my friends are around.
Thank you :)
Sha sbb buat i gelak ketawa. Asma for you-know-what. She n Huey too.

Lets grow wings and just float, shall we?

2010-01-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

"when hair falls off and eyes blur And
thighs forget(when clocks whisper
and night shouts)When minds
shrivel and hearts grow brittler every
Instant(when of a morning Memory stands,
with clumsily wilted fingers
emptying youth colour and what was
into a dirtied glass)Pills for Ills
(a recipe against Laughing Virginity Death)

then dearest the
way trees are made leaves
open Clouds take sun mountains
stand And oceans do Not sleep matters
nothing;then(then the only hands so to speak are
they always which creep budgingly over some
numbered face capable of a largest nonglance the
least unsmile
or whatever weeds feel and fish think of)"
-ee cummings-

Let's Whip something up

2010-01-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

I vowed to myself that amidst my surgical posting i shall put up numerous educational posts. But alas, time has eluded me and so here i am, up and awake at 1 am supposed to be studying for the much-anticipated rounds tomorrow with a very fierce attending, Dr. R...Digestive Surgeon..and as i was reading, i thought; why not?

i'll teach you a thing or two about surgery :p
so here goes. Tonight we shall learn about the 'Whipple Procedure' which is what MY patient will be having tomorrow morning at 7 am sharp.

this diagram is of an abnormal pancreas. Where a tumor has develop BEFORE a whipple procedure is performed.

In the beginning of the procedure, the surgeon will decide whether the tumor can be removed. The pancreas is examined by an open incision or by laparoscopic instruments. If the cancer has not spread to surrounding tissues, your surgeon will continue to perform the Whipple procedure.

The overall goal of the Whipple procedure is to remove the head of the pancreas and the attached section of the small intestine. First, the end of the stomach is divided off and detached. This part the stomach leads to the small intestine, where the pancreas and bile duct both attach. In the next step, the cancerous head of the pancreas is cut, leaving it attached to the small intestine. Farther down from the pancreas attachment site, the small intestine is divided to free the section of the intestine that is connected to the pancreatic head. The bile duct is the last connection to be cut. This leaves the gallbladder and common bile duct attached to the removed section.

The next steps reconnect the intestinal tract. The stomach is connected to the small intestine, and the bile duct and remaining portion of the pancreas are reattached.

Several tubes may be implanted for postoperative care. To prevent tissue fluid from accumulating in the operated site, a temporary drain leading out of the body will be implanted. Also, a G-tube leading out of the stomach will be inserted to help prevent nausea and vomiting, and a J-tube inserted into the small intestine will serve as a channel for supplementary feeding. - taken from www..debakeydepartmentofsurgery.org-

okay, sekian terima kasih :)

2010

2010-01-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

- Ace all my 2nd year clinical exams. No repetitions!

- Graduate by December 2010!

- Recite the Quran everyday and finish at least once this year! Amennn

- Buy meself a Blackberry! (yippe!)

- Clear out my closet and re-organize!

- Travel Travel Travel (Bali is a MUST)

- Learn to swim & Dive ;)

- Attend besties weddings!

- Save at least RM 5k for my travel fund :)

- Read more books (leisure & medical)

- Consume healthier meals & NO MORE FAST FOOD!

- R-E-L-A-X

i don't know. i'll add more when anything comes to mind :)

Yuletide and Snowmans

2009-12-24T09:51:00.001-08:00

A very Merry Christmas to those that celebrate the red and green themed occasion. :)

Ho Ho Ho. Wish i got to go to a friends Christmas Party way over in Msia. sighs,. all the cookies, and puddings and good people i shall not see.

...feel like packing up and flying home. hehe.

i have to toughen up.

Cheers all.

Scrubs or no scrubs

2009-12-16T05:29:00.000-08:00

You know your being upgraded when you get "called" to scrub in when others are not.
And no, its not just to hold a clamp in place or suction the oozing blood.
But suturing the tendon or actually to hold the saw on an amputation.

Score!

It pays to be hard-working after all.

You can call me stupid if i mess up. Never lazy. Ever.

Elephantisis scrotalis - operation 21/12/2009 (face left oout for privacy purposes) and no, he's not sitting on a pillow..that is exactly what it says. scrotalis.

necrotic burn wound. amputation in 2 hours. yeah. i am assisting ;)

mild contracture

auricular keloid

in other words. aesthetics scar removing operation tomorrow.

Knives and Forks

2009-12-07T06:58:00.000-08:00

   A surgeon is like an artist, instead of using a paintbrush to create art, they use knives, a ten-blade (as you keep hearing them call out for in grey's anatomy, or ER) to help mold the human anatomy and restore function or aesthetics to their 'Art'.

   I think in every reference of surgeons in general, you can say they are the 'jock's ' of the medical field. If not i, they themselves consider surgeons the 'jocks' of the medical social scene. They walk tall, full of confidence, no fear, and just reeks of an aura i can only describe with words.

   I used to think that it would be cliche'; but being in my 3rd week of surgical rotation. I just have to say it. Surgeons are uber-cool. :P

Of course, there are moments when i can hate them in an instant, but still marvel at their meticulous skill. Some are neurotic perfectionist which can be hard to bear, maybe even IMPOSSIBLE to bear but still.
Being in the ER for 2 weeks, i got to see first-hand, how the doctors deal with the most gruesome of situations. Imagine watching Grey's Anatomy, where they wait by the door in gloves and aprons for the ambulance that would bring i n anticipated patients? well, over here it's quite different.
We wait inside the hospital, with only our gloves as the protective barrier for us to handle the mess.

    Left right and center are patients with obstructive ileus, stab wounds, head trauma, multiple fractures, open, closed, you name it. But the worse is not the big bloody mess of a patient. But the seemingly normal one, walking in in a sarong covering a 2 year old tumor that is bigger than the patients head, oozing pus and necrotic tissue (dead skin). Oh wow, the smell will push you out of this world. And sticks on you- for days (maybe thats just my paranoia).

   And my job as the junior doctor? There are no nurses in the ER. we check the patient in, assess his/her A,B,C (Airway, Breathing etc), plug in the infusion needle, urine catheter and NGT if required.Any wounds, we get the liberty to be the ones cleaning it and suturing.

     It is tiring; but once you're in the heat of saving that patients life...it just feels worth it.
I was posted in Akademis Hospital last week on my own to assist 2 Surgical residents there. I was in charge of all operation prep procedures, clerking patients in the ER as well as rounds every day at 5   am and 4 pm in the wards.

    The best part of each day was the operations i get to see. If i was lucky, and the Attending is somewhat excited to teach, i get to scrub in and assist. (Photo of an OREF i saw, i assisted an ORIF repair on a fractured femur. but no photos. :( )

I never knew i could feel so excited about holding a clamp. Maybe its the air in the operation theatre. Maybe its the fact that sometimes you get to close up the patient. Maybe its because all is well so far.

8 weeks to go. This photo is a photo of a trepanase procedure, where Burr holes are made in the skull to release trapped air that caused an increased intracranial blood pressure.

Can't wait.

There's something wrong with Lord of The Rings

2009-11-18T06:41:00.000-08:00

I read thi from a friends' page; Jason Leong. i thought it was funny and worth a mention. read it. :)

----------------------------------------

When the dust has settled, and peace restored to Middle-Earth, once the mighty Sauron has collapsed, one applauds at a beautiful trilogy masterfully made by a genius equal to Tolkien himself, Peter Jackson. But now that I have time to reflect and swirl my thoughts about the plot, I realize that something is terrible wrong with the story of how Middle Earth was saved.

Here's what's wrong : I think Sauron should have won.

I mean, ya gotta give the guy credit. He was BRILLIANT! I mean, he created the One Ring, which controlled many other rings, which controlled the dwarves, the elves, etc. It gave the wearers a false sense of security, as if they were in control, but in actuality, they were not! The same concept can be seen today in pyramid schemes! Sauron was way ahead of his time man.

Okay, then he controlled Saruman, who looked extremely dodgy in the first movie, like the classic I-act-like-a-good-guy-but-

actually-am-the-bad-guy-just-wait-for-the-plot-twist kinda character. I dont trust Christopher Lee's eyebrows. Saruman then built this massive Isengard, which then had massive factories which built cruel war machines. Now we see Sauron embracing technology to achieve his goal.

First politics, now technology. Sauron can do it all.

Then, mastering genetic modification and biology, he created the Uruk-Hai ( which sounds like a bad Chinese word),a cross breed between Orcs and Men. Not only did he bred them, he assembled them into an army, giving them weapons and armor, and organizing them into an effective fighting unit.

One by one, cities in Middle Earth felt, in a meticulous decimation by Sauron's forces. Sauron was a tactical genius.

Then came Helm's Deep, and we all know what happened there. It is at Helm's Deep, where the first injustice occurs for Sauron.

Sauron had what, 10,000 soldies, outnumbering the Men. Not only that, they managed to break the fortress, something never done before. Then, in a matter of 10 minutes, his armies are defeated by Orlando Bloom skateboarding down a flight of stairs and....SUNLIGHT!!!!! The Black Evil , the Uruk-Hai, The Lidless Eye's army, the black shadow spreading across Middle Earth...were BLINDED by SUNLIGHT and then defeated? How is this realistic?

But Sauron was not one to give up. No sirree, he had perseverance,determination and the unwillingness to give up.He regrouped, and sent more armies, this time to thrash Minas Tirith. Sauron, ever the strategist, also sent warships BEHIND minas tirith to ambush them while they were preoccupied with the war at the front.

The Men were outnumbered. Many of their kind had died. THeir spirits were broken, and Legolas's hair was slightly out of place. They were about to be defeated, and rightfully so, for the master strategist had already beaten them.While the men were fragmented, Sauron's army was relatively united.

Then suddenly, Aragorn talks to a bunch of GHOSTS in a random CAVE and decimates the ENTIRE SAURON ARMY!???!!??!!?

Apa ni???

Who doesnt pity Sauron just a teensy weensy bit? I mean, cmon!

Of Birthdays, Cakes and Surprises

2009-11-18T06:03:00.000-08:00

14th of November is a big day for me. It is, afterall, the day i was born 24 years ago.

This year, i celebrated my birthday, in a dark hallway, in the morgue, waiting for a dead body to be brought in by a paramedic. Well, it was 11.45pm on the 13th; but still..that was my birthday.

I was posted in Bhayangkara Hospital for a week; which began on the 5th of November till the 15th. And so i already knew that i wouldn't be able to do much or see my friends as i had duties to attend to. Posted in this hospital, means i have to live in the on-call room with 5 other junior doctors like myself and wait for autopsies and medical exams for legal cases (i am currently in the forensics department). It's not like what you see on CSI. get real. we do autopsies, and paperwork. nothing else. oh yeah, but reporting and reconstructiing of the crime is kinda cool. ;)

Anyway, i was pretty down the whole day untill my fellow group mate ran out and got me a cupcake. yeah, one and it was sweet of her. At least i thought i had something to blow a candle on to make the day feel a bit special. Later that evening, my dear friends Shila, Wah, Huey, Elango and Melvin came to the hospital and surprised me with a dozen doughnuts (i love J.CO.s ) and gifts. We crammed into the on-call room and hung out till late (the cops had to call them out for disturbing said junior doctors..at 11.30pm. The hospital i was stationed at by the way is a police manned hospital.)

Sunday was spent studying for my exam on monday morning. before finally leaving bhayangkara hospital at 8pm for home.Earlier in the week, some of my juniors had water shortage at their homes so i let them shower and wash in my house as i was not living there for the week anyway, so i rang them up to say i was coming home and i wnated my keys. So when i got home, it annoyed me that they didn't come out to help me with my things ( i was holding three bags, a chair and a fan. phew) when i knew they were inside and heard me calling. But then when i knocked and the door was open, standing in front of me was my dear junior Boo, holding up a home-made chocolate cake and to her left was a table filled with home-cooked chicken rice just for me. My neighbors were there as well, and sang along. Surprise no.2!

Needless to say, the cake was delicious, and so was the chicken rice. I guess it pays to be nice :)

Monday morning started great, finished my exam at 11 am, went for karaoke with my gal pals and then Huey called me out to try the new sushi place. And what do you know, surprise! they got me another choc cake and bought me dinner. :) did i say i love my friends? because i do.

I want to put up photos but it being all surprises, i actually didn't take any. But my friends did, so i shall put them up when i get them :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

November is not just a special day for me, i've been sharing birthdays with my older sister longer than i can remember as her birthday is on the 17th.

This year, i surprised her with none-other than the trendiest thing since doughnuts!

cupcakes. hand-made to perfection and personalized to a tee by my high school friend Mei Leng.She creates these art works and delivers them too!

since my sister was an avid traveller, i wanted the cakes to show that, and that she's an architect, used to live in New Zealand. so here they are. I knew she loved em :)

Hot & Humid November

2009-11-12T03:41:00.000-08:00

Hello November,

I usually get psyched up when i see the turn of the calendar right after Halloween.

Of course. it means a month closer to the end of the year, my birthday would come up and usually i'd be flying home soon enough.

But the extended power cuts are annoying me physically, mentally as well as emotionally. Stress can alter everything about you.

For the past week i've been stationed in Bhayangkara Hsopital, in charge of doing autopsies as well as forensics examination in legal-medicine.: rape, abortion, road-accidents and etc

So it has been a hectic week where we are not allowed to leave the hot, air-less hospital, and to add up to our misery, there is no fan, no window in our on-call room. and the electricity gets cut every 6 hours, for 3 dang hours. Even the water stops running after the 2nd day.

I get hopeless, and tired, and angry and emotional. hmm..

ok, so the upside is we get free wireless internet connection with a very limited speed. but still..only so much free browsing can happen when you're hot and sweating.

Hello November indeed.

Details

2009-10-28T03:52:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, on the 19th, my very close girl-friend got enganged to her long-time-best bud in a very sweet ceremony which i wished i was able to attend. Sadly, not being there i could only offer my coongratulations through the technology of text messages n fb account. haha. Za's engagement was the 2nd engagement i missed this year, which hopefully i can make up for next year on the wedding day, k Za? Sha?

Am in my 3rd week of forensics and legal medicine. Presented a blunt trauma case of road accidents. Went dr. G came in and requested us to present after he had just maimed the group before us, i was quite speechless. But minor referential mistakes aside, he thought we gave an overall good presentation. Yeay! But Dr.G wouldn't be Dr.G if he wasn't critical of every word, every detail and every photo that we showcased.

"Who do you think you are?"
-Ouch.

Remember that everything in forensics is evidence-based. Always remember that when giving a statement, an objective or eve subjective point of view.

Duly noted Doc. Hopefully tomorrow goes well.

Bite Marks

2009-10-24T06:22:00.000-07:00

Today, in the forensics lab, we were acquainted with my supervisor, dr.Peter S. and he gave us a brief lecture on bite marks, the importance of superimposing the coorect size and shape in identifying perpetrators of law. It was interesting, especially when we started discussing the famous investigation of Ted Bundy.

In Forensics and Legal Medicine, we don't just do autopsies, although in CSI its pretty much rules the show; but we investigate. And study, and deduce our assumptions in a crime scene and point fingers at the assailant; all within reasonable evidence as proof.

Are you getting the picture?

I always thought it'd be easy to watch an autopsy, or even get my hand dirty in doing one. But in truth, touching, feeling and smelling a dead body, a fresh corpse, and cutting them open is a whole other level.

I hope InsyaAllah, i will never have to go through one as the body lying cold on the table.
Its something i would never wish on anyone.

Who turned out the lights?

2009-10-14T05:53:00.000-07:00

I've been updating the blog as my own personal Travelogue. No idea if it helps you if ever you want to go where i went. But jus thought i'd slip this in. Am back in Makassar for a week now.

I am currently in Forensics department which sounds cool. But in reality; we're all just waiting for a dead body to turn up for us to investigate. Now isn't that a BAD wish?

I had fun coming back and seeing old friends, going out to check out the 'theme park' but really, i only felt i was back on this isolated island when they started the power cuts AGAIN.

9.00 am

"Oops, no power for the next 3 hours people!" when the screen and LCD shuts down at the forensics lab.

2.00pm

"I'm home!...wait..what the? Aaaaah"

11.30pm

"Okay, time to go to...AAAAAh. Who turned out the lights?? Dang you mosquitos!"

Welcome back to Makassar.

Oooom, hot hot heat

2009-10-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

Luang Prabang, Laos

A vip bus ride the next day, that took about 7 hours over the hills brought us into the UNESCO World Heritage site of Luang Prabang. We left Vang Vien at about 9.30 am and arrived approximately in the central bus station of L.P at 4.30pm. A quick 10 minute tuk-tuk ride brought us right into the main street where guest-houses were aplenty to choose from.

(Tip: When descending the bus at the central station, you will be surrounded by various guesthouse "agents" offering you their best price if you follow them. Keep in mind that the guesthouses are literally next to each other; so if you do follow an "agent" and are not satisfied with the room; you can always walk into the next one. So what we did was get a brochure with a map of the area and just dive into the main street. You'll have plenty of choices so relax and just haggle away).

The guest-houses were all clean and simple. So we un-packed, cleaned ourselves up and started to head out for dinner. In any ~~asian city/ town~~, tourist pot; there shall always be something similar or akin to a night market; and Luang Prabang is no exception. The Night Market in downtown Luang Prabang, which is open roughly from 5.30pm till 10pm is a treasure trove of scarves, hand-painted artworks, beutiful hand-crafted linens and accessories.

I went crazy running my hand on all the tradiotinal skirts and colourful scarves looking for one i'd spare my USD for. Bangles and bracelets as well as figurines of Buddhist worship were also among the many crafts on sale. Laos Kip, and US Dollars are mainly in use although some may accept Thai Baht if you have them to spare.
But as we walked through the market, most stalls and both sell the same wares and our churning, growling tummies were in need of serious fuel before we could go on.
Luckily for us, Ro found a vegetarian buffet vendor right smack in the middle of the market. 5000 kip for a plate of food. There were spring rolls for 1000 kip a piece, but who would mind? All you can eat, and cheap too. We indulged, had more than one serving before we moved on to what some might say the national sport of Luang prabang.
Bowling!
(Note: As Luang Prabang is famous for its many temples and holy status, it is by law that all establishments of bussiness should be closed by 11.00pm; except for the bowling alley which gets to open till 2.00 am. Disco bowl maybe?)

The next day, began with breakfast at a nearby cafe, called Joma which serves a big portion of delectable goods for a good price. The setting and ambience were reminiscent of a cozy western cafe and the menu was filled with choices for all taste buds. We tried getting tickets to fly into Hanoi that morning itself, but the planning and searching, and haggling prices with tour agencies sucked us dry of energy before we agreed to cool ourselves from the scorching sun at the famed Kwang Si waterfalls; an hour's drive from the town of Luang Prabang.

Driving through rice paddy fields and villages to get there reminded me of driving through KB, my very own village; where everything was still and green. Kwang Si waterfalls was a good choice, the water was cooling, there was another swing in one of the swimming area and the place was cleaner than the last waterfall i came across (okay, Makassar has so much to catch up to!) Just sitting on one of the rocks with my feet in the water was good enough for me.
After much sun-bathing and water-paddling, we rallied and went back into town, to explore the temples and Luang Prabang's National Museum.

Despite of such good intentions, i did not get to see the temples and museum untill the next day, which incidentally was when Ro parted ways with us to see the rest of Laos on his own.

The National Museum was; i guess in a way was interesting? It explained essentially the history (duh!) and legendary stories of the kingdom through out the ages. But i guess i was hoping for something more as the best thing in the museum to me were the paintings, and the stories it told.

To finish of our stay, with one extra day, we took a boat trip out to see the Pak Ou Caves (with upper and lower caves and a whole lot of stairs in between these two) and a nearby village called 'Lao-Lao village' or in other words; whisky village. Where home-made Lao whisky is made and processed before it is sent all over the city. Scorpions and cobras were the meaty choice to put in a laos whisky bottle. Too strong?

3 days in Luang Prabang was enough for me. I prefered its streets and general feel to Vang Vien; but alas we had places to go and Vietnam to see. I do miss the fruitshakes though.

Pink Dragonfruit just doesn't taste as good on its own.:)

Happy and fun for you!

2009-10-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

Vang Vien, Laos

After the gruelling 6 hour drive, Vang Vien looked to bring promises of a better adventure; and yes it sure did. (For me anyways). We arrived somewhere between 5 -6pm and decided to hunt for a guesthouse to suit our needs (cheap and definitely worth it). Ro seemed to have the most fun haggling a price we thought we'd never get. But about 5 guest-houses later, we found one that accepted the offer. Having a vegetarian on the team was a good thing for my sister and I, as it made it easy to agree on a place to eat. We were both piscatarians on the trip

due to concerns of Halal and non-Halal meat;
being Muslims; and the other two guys were just great enough to go along with anything. Little did we know in the first cafe we settled on, what Vang Vien had to offer was a lot more than just "normal food". We found an item on the menu that was scripted in bold and a tad larger font size than the rest of the other items; which was:
"SPACE PIZZA"
"Excuse me, what is SPACE Pizza?" we queried innocently
"Oh, yess, yes, you want? Special, happy, err...Marijuana?" the waiter bumbled Glances were exchanged and we laughed.

Ah, and so it began.

Another part of the menu was titled" "FUN AND HAPPY FOR YOU" and beneath it were food items with the word special in it:
1. Special brownies
2. Special Omelette
3. Special fruit juice I found it amusing.

The waiter was just so eager to please and make us all "Happy". No, we didn't get any special items. Although an order of baguette for the table became a bit confusing for the owner when he came out with red bull, whisky and a bucket for us.

"Bucket?"
"no! No...Baguette, baguette, Bread?"
"oh!, mistake..sorry." He was a nice man, too bad he wasted the drinks on us teetotalers and had to offer the next table for a bucket of alcohol which was accidentally opened for us.

And after a hearty non-special laden meal, we explored the area of Vang vien and saw that the 'Bucket' was the major attraction or choice of beverage for all the cafe's lining the streets. And this place, to me was filled with tourists, tall, short, accents, slangs all enjoying the slower pace of life chilling in one of the cafe's watching reruns of Friends, or Family Guy. Street vendors were in almost every corner selling roti (which were pancakes) and souvenirs. Although i think the locals were thinking we were one of them just travelling with some tourists too.

pancakes. yummy nutella banana pancakes

Vang Vien

Swings and Tubing down the River

One of the major attraction of Vang Vien, was its tubing and caving expeditions. As you walk the streets of this small town, ads for caving tours and transportational services would greet you in between the cafe's. And Tubing, was one thing you would HAVE to do. Otherwise, all you do is lounge around in a cafe all day.

So we set out to the tubing post, where a life jacket and one tube would cost you $ 22 USD each, and of course, you'd want a dry bag to put all your gear in while you traverse the waters, and that costs $ 6 USD.
After registering your number, names and tubes; we were driven up the river on a tuk tuk with some like-minded travellers: an Irish, and 2 Dutch gals.

As you reach the starting point, a view of a small tiki bar greets you; and standing next to the river is a towering tree with some nifty mechanics for us tourists to swing and jump from. In my mind's eye, the height of the swing was maybe about 3 floors? i couldn't be sure but yes. I wanted to jump along with the others.

Seeking approval from the older sibling wasn't so tough, she wanted to proove she was cool about it and hide her worry. ~~i wasn't a very strong swimmer,~~ No wait. I wasn't even a GOOD swimmer. but yes, i jumped.

Adrenaline rush was AWESOME. i felt i was falling. the height made an even better adrenaline rush then anyhting else. But the dismount into the water was a big splash of surprise for me.

I took in too much water, i was disoriented, and i was drifting, FAST.
I saw the shore, swam for it (or later they would say, did i even swim?), saw it getting close, swallowed more water then the shore was getting further. wait, what? And my head was back under the water. I heard yelling.

And Dan pulled me out of the river. Uh-oh.
Did i drown?
i wouldn't admit it. but yes, i was close to drowning.
And THAT, was the highlight of the day.

regardless, i caught my breath, thanked my life-saver ( it was ~~quite~~ awkward. i didn't know what to do with myself)
and rejoined the group in the water for tubing.

the swing

Bobbing tubes and life-jackets

One might say i was non-chalant about the jump as i treaded water again right after, but this time, i had a life-jacket on. J and Dan made sure i kept it on.

Flying into Laos

2009-10-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

Having just been back from a one week trip from Laos and Vietnam, it feels a tad surreal for most of my trip was spent either on a bus, or a boat getting from one place to the other. Just as well that i will be travelling back to Indonesia in 2 days, i'd rather write and share my experience on this Blog while all is fresh and the memory of it is simply reveling to be released.

Vientiane, Laos

Arriving in Vientien airport at 9 am was a good start. It was early, sun was up, weather not too hot to travel in and we at least had a day to explore the small town. Little did we know (my sister and I) that our travel companions had other plans. The airport was small, employees spoke English, and as you'd find in every other airports; a fair share of taxi-drivers outside that will try and rip you off. For a taxi-ride into town would cost you $ 3 USD per person whereas if you walked further down from the airport and hired a tuk-tuk, they would get you into town for just 2 USD a ride. With a heavier backpack than she can handle, my sister offered to pay for the taxi.

There's a funny story in here as just when we were unloading our bags into the cab, a tall, blonde caucasian guy (accents can be hard to recognise unless it was french..) came up and asked if he could just share the taxi with us. The driver seemed to refuse but the stranger made the internationally understood "money" sign (where the index and thumb finger is rubbing together?) , and so he relents and seats our new travel partner up-front.

The driver didn't speak any English, so all we could do was point and repeat the name of our designated guest-house over and over again, hoping that each time we say it, the pronounciation would be different and he's know which guesthouse it was. Took him 10 minutes to get us there. efficient.

Our travel companion however, jumped down from the cab, said he was getting ciggarettes and dissapeared. Neither my sister, nor I waited to see if he came back to pay the cab-driver. I doubted it. he dashed pretty quickly. Anyway, we met up with the rest of our travel buddies; L, D and Ro. And was clued in on the bus trip to Vang Vien.J and Ro at Nizam restaurant for Roti's

As the bus ride was scheduled at 10 am, we headed out for some breakfast, which consisted of roti's and thosais for our benefit. Although we've been constantly reminded how time or speed is of no essence here, we waited..and waited for the bus to show up before we boarded on: a mini van (bus broke down somehwere according to our guide..) an hour later than planned. It was roughly a 7 hour ride down every pot-hole imaginable, with me flyng off my seat unto others more than once. Hitting my head on the railing was a repetitive move every few turns.

L showing us the Mighty Mekong River

But thankfully, we arrived in one piece in the sleepy hippy-ish tourist town of vang vien.

The broken down bus that doubles as a clothes hanger

12 months

2009-09-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am gregariously happy.

I officially finished my 1st year of clinical education. two days ago.

And Alhamdulillah, everything has been almost smooth, a few bumps but no brakes were involved.

Sure, i wished i got straight A's but really, its the experience and skill that matters right?

Dermatology exam was nerve-wrecking on friday.

I was pretty sure i answered it all well, but of-course, the 3 examiners hid and masked their expressions trying to confuse you and not aide you in any way.

:)

I just want to go home now :)

Raya awaits!

A singular effect

2009-09-08T06:51:00.001-07:00

I am a loner

Mostly. Not always. Often these days. But always have been.

I get these questions often when I hang out with friends, be it old or new ones.

Even people I just met.

"So, you're single? Not seeing anyone?"

I reply with a shake of the head and my infamous smile. Trying to escape the incoming array of questions.

"Dated? I mean, last relationship?..Oh. never?"

Again, I just smile. I knew it was coming.

"But why?"

If only I could answer that myself.

And then; usually to make me feel less like a loser and more embarrassed for asking in the first place, the questioner would then list down all my 'positively good qualities'

"But you're pretty…awesome!"

Thank you very much.

I feel so much better now.

Am i? really? Awesome? Gee.

I have been single for all 23 of my years now. Of course you can't count the first 12..that'd be just wrong. J

And I am happy. So why should it matter?

And no. despite what some people want to believe, I am NOT a Lesbian.

I love my fair share of male specimens. You know, the incredibly hot Hollywood ones. Aside from some old real-life crushes.

It just so happens that luck is not on my side. Yet.

Always the good ones are taken.

And I am not one to hope or break up a relationship or be the spare "just-in-case" chicks like some guys do hope.

I just want someone for me.

Maybe I'm picky or choosy or lazy?

But I think that's only said for those who actually do have options. Innit?

Besides, even though my friends say sometimes I can be a bit "macho" and that I'm always independent,

I still want someone to take care of me.

And besides, I'm still too young to be tied up, I think.

There's still the whole WORLD to be seen ;)

I guess I should be thankful nobody's asking about being married yet. Hehe. Phew. Sorry sis.

1,2,3,4....

2009-09-02T01:09:00.000-07:00

oh so penat. lapar.

d.u.g.a.a.n...

saya dan roti canai

2009-08-30T00:14:00.000-07:00

I was missing the soft famous dough-made 'roti' of home.

and since my neighbours didn't show any signs of making any for buka puasa this year, i went out in search of thus 'roti'.

to my delight, news spread that there was a boy, selling roti telur and roti canani next to carefour all the way here in makassar, freshly tossed and readily poured with malaysian style curry too!

Just so you know, curry in Makassar is not the curry we love way back home. It is different. more bland, less spices, more water than coconut milk. so yes, it makes a big difference.

no photos of the pahang-born makassar "mamak" though, he was quite the shy boy. haha.

Roti telur dan kari sedap

Karma

2009-08-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

he shall get what he deserves

The Life & Times

2009-08-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

Am sitting in the on-call room, eating out of a styrofoam box- our free meals to 'break fast'.

We're lucky; during this holy month, the faculty as well as the hospital staff makes the day go by much easier, food for sahur and break-fast is provided (heavy healthy meals with not-so healthy desert) free of charge, daily work hours are cut back whereas we usually report at the clinics at 7.30 am, it has been pushed back to 8.00 am. Yes, on call hours are still the same,

afternoon shift- 2pm-9pm
night shift - 9pm-7am

but at least in dermatology departments, we very RARELY receives emergency skin traumas in the middle of the night. And as I am now only in my 2nd week, i only get 3 shifts a week. Phew..what a big difference that is from those never-ending 10 shifts back in internal med. I rarely saw my own bed then.

We also get free wireless internet access from this small air-conditioned on-call room which i am making full use of by reading up on the latest goss (hahahaha), movie reviews (????) and facebooking every few seconds.

Stop. i'm just like everybody else.

i escape my day to day life by writing here.

of course, real life is not so bad. :)

but it is called an escape for a reason innit?

Camera Owning

2009-08-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

a forwarded message i got in my inbox reads: WHy you SHOULD always carry a camera...
Don't tell me you didn't smile or let out an "Awwwww.."

I know i did. Cheers ;)

p/s: thank you sis. This made me smile today.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

2009-08-24T00:27:00.000-07:00

A book i have yet to read.

I wonder when the next installment of True Blood is coming out...ahh..
I am so into Eric.
hahaha.

Roast n Cupcakes

2009-08-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

Before being put in the oven

A very chocolatey mess From liquid browns To a solid mess. :P

Had a fun well-rounded program-filled SUnday!

Bangun pagi - well, 9.30 am was the earliest hour i could get those peepers open, finally swept the floor of my cancer-like hair loss mess :P and the mopped the floor (yay! bangga..haha), re arranged the furniture, and took out the old-carpet that i had put away for over a year in the storage room.

Hmm. with the hosue and my study table spick n span, i tackled the makings of my newly perfected chocolate cupcake! yes, i know how the 'cupcake craze' has taken over the world..but i have yet to master the makings of a purr-fect one..according to MY OWN tastebuds that it..

In addition to prepping the stuffing for my roast chicken dinner.
Mind you i added everything in excess amount because- when i cook without tasting anything...(due to fasting...yes, i AM fasting :P )i was so afraid it might turn out bland.

And voila, with the Azan ringing from the nearby mosque, we dug into the...yes, tasteless chicken ravenously. Ok, I thought it was tasteless, but my two companions, who would not dare to hurt MY feelings said it was just the right amount of..bland. hahaha.

Cupcakes - however sweet n chocolatey. Just the way i had imagined it :P

30 days of f.e.a.s.t

2009-08-22T00:53:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan is here, i guess my time should be better put to use in typing up an honest wish for all of my friends and family to forgive me for all my wrongdoings. Whether it was intentionally or otherwise.

Hope each one of you have a great month in relishing the good deeds. :)

Selamat Berpuasa everyone.

Post Modern Routine

2009-08-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

I got into Cardio on time. Finished on time. Just to reestablish the connection from my last post if any of you were wondering. (Right, i'm probably just talking to myself..anyhoo)

Finally got a chance to go online while i'm on duty! yes..and on the first day of Fasting..(do you have any idea how many things i'm craving right now?) I am now in an empty on-call room with internet access...and ...6 hours to kill. Right. :) So what do i do? update my blog.

I wish i had more interesting pieces to write. sure, Cardio exam with Prof.Peter was superb, i got an A for my Internal Med exam (Hooray! how many tears did i cry before i knew that one.huhu) and now am going into my 2nd week of Dermatology posting. Updated enough?

...

Been feeling more than a little homesick lately too. Must be the weather.
Sunny, sunny scorching days on end.
Can't wait to just be home.
Away from here.
hmm.

oh yeah. Biggest regret this month? Missing my bestbud's engagement. Sha, i'm sorry i couldn
t make it. Your wedding, i'll be there. Promise. :D

Technology?

2009-07-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

I finally gave my presentation about half an hour ago. Phewwwww! Sighs. after being dragged around for one week..just because. At least i didn't have to read with dr.S. Although..in my head i think he'd give me a great discussion afterwards, however i can see that he was busy too.

Anyhoo- am here in Obgyn dept to check on my next deprtment spot: Cardiology which, i have booked since i dunno, March? and guess what?? Stupid site is under construction and everything..i mean everything is ERASED.
What the he...???

I am happy. yet pissed. and frustrated and panicked. I'm supposed to report to Cardio this friday, and before hand, i have to pick an examiner for Internal Med. this Wednesday...ahhh...okay, not pick. i mean, the chief will vote which examiner each of us gets? and the bigwigs are coming this week. ( wipes dripping sweat from forehead)

what me worry??

ok. cool. calm. breathe dee. breathee.. there's just SOOOO much more to read and understand and practice before i go for exam.

please please please God, get me Prof. Halim? hehehehe.
who knows, he might go easy on me for exam...

Sighs, i am out of breath.

Update later. toodles. need energy to scream...-

2009-06-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

There's this thought nagging at the back of my head that i don't update my blog often,
sometimes a sense of unending frustration that i'm not creative enough to make my page ever more AWESOME. hehe.

Then again, i only do write significant events, or maybe a guilty pleasure or two; of a more personal nature.

My built-in competitiveness leaks out when i cruise through my fave reads. :) Envy, wistful maybe.

But today? i just want to hear Adele playing in the backgroud while i work out the cases i have to present and discuss with my Doctor by the end of the week.

Friends, options?
is ITP better than Insulinoma? :D

I need HELP!

Quickies

2009-06-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

Just a quick shout out,

Happy birthday daddy Dearest ;) glad your trip over to sunny canterburry was wholesome and enjoyable, and you had your birthday celebration on AIR! love you lots and may Allah S.W.T bless you with great health always. Selalu merindui mu .

Also, to mz Didi Harun, happy 24th! i missed bowling. wish i was there but shall see you soon.

that's it folks. have to go back to the hospital. hrm..still have 3 weeks left in internal medcine. wish me luck :D

Au revoir!

Things i'll never say

2009-06-07T04:19:00.000-07:00

i get sick of having to turn on the tv and keep watching the same trash they feed us on tv these days.

And over here moreover, the maincourses comes in more than 5 viewing times a day of : infotainment. Every juicy celebrity gossip you never need to know about the life and times of the Indoensia celebrities.

Among the biggest news: Manohara

Get a clue?

i have to live here, study here and treat people here when they judge me and my country based on a woman's supposed mistreatment by her husband.

She has my pity if any of it is true, but going to the media?

It's bad enough we students get asked questions about the abuse of I.maids in Malaysia, now about the royal family as well?

don't even get me started on the Ambalat issue.

Nobody is perfect.
"To err is human" after all.

Deserters tale

2009-05-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

Leaving for Maros again..for my luar negri posting (no, we don't require a passport)..

on a brighter note, i was there for a week in paeds.so at least i know where everything IS. Sort of. hmm..

Sis, be strong. it shall all turn out well ;) next week shall be interesting. and challenging for you. love ya.
were you contemplating something?

Just like the cookie crumbles

2009-05-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

We made cookies! Sha n I, and we knocked off the electricity for the whole floor. Sorry..though we did kept it on the downlow when we met up with the rest of the residents downstairs.hehehe
and very sorry for limiting the allowed amount of photos for u to upload. u know why :P. Shhhhhhh...

Oops. ovenku teramat kuat untuk apartment temanku ini.

Today is Dayat's birthday, happy 23rd! so, since i had a lot of stuff in the fridge about to go bad..

i made chicken fajita/enchilada's! haha. For the boys next door, my own lunch..even gave away a few to Elango who is having exams tomorrow with Prof, good luck. Though the combo of my fave mexican dish was a tad dry i hope they enjoyed it. I can't seem to find even a shadow of sour cream over here although we do have an endless supply of avocadoes for some guacamole.

Just in case i don't get a chance to go online n wish her, Happy Birthday to Asma and Anggi as well, respectively on the 22nd and 23rd. Cheers mates!

Photos of cookies here to see.. oh, and my blue streaks too.

Enjoy!

choc chip cookie anyone?

Mixing with style.

cookie-dough ; yum

blue blue blue: hahahah

camera shy. i'm lovin it :)

Finally. A front shot.

Big Blue Lagoon

2009-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have streaks.

of blue hair sticking into my eyes..strays of the highlights i had done.

about a week ago.

hehehe. call me crazy.

i think i'm rockin it.

Strangers in the Outfield

2009-05-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

Remember when we were growing up, how our parents would tell us,
just as they send us off to school, whether on a school bus, or driving us to the school gates themselves; they would remind us,

"Don't speak to strangers, alright?"

And' we'd nod, understanding strangers meant people you don't know personally but never fully taking into consideration what a stranger is connected with.

I consider myself a polite, educated and friendly person. And so if i do bump into a stranger, whether on the streets, on an airplane, or eating out; and they inititate a hello, i would reply with a smile or maybe another greeting.

Sure, you first have to be able to pick the situation in which to give a response. If i was feeling rather down and moody or perhaps the 'stranger' emitted some bad vibes i might just look up and decline to respond.

But as i said, being maybe a little too friendly i usually respond in a positive or affirmative sign.
I made another friend on my flight back to Makassar today. And yes, my friends raised their eyebrows when i shared the information. And so he is french, and had so much stories to tell on our 3-hour flight that i enjoyed the company. But because i learned my lesson from the scare in Christchurch, i ended the acquaintance at the airport, although i initially did offer to drop him off somewhere in town just because he seemed lost. Bad judgement call?

Now this wasn't my only 'friendly' encounter with a stranger as i had mentioned, as i have been flying on my own for the last few years all over, i do tend to make 'friends'. I met a German Pro-Skater on my flight to Christchurch, a Japanese and Kiwi couple on my flight to Melbourne, and the list goes on.

But, it was on the streets of Christchurch city that i regretted my respond to a stranger. He appeared friendly, we spoke of architecture and education as well as the history of Christchurch. But when he followed me into the Museum that i had started to sense the bad vibes.
Being an outsider, a tourist perhaps i misjudged myself thinking he was merely a friendly samaritan wanting to guide a tourist around. And when he lay his hands on me, i froze.

When it was just on my shoulder, i managed to simply shrug it off, maybe he didn't realise his hand was there? maybe this is just a normal thing over here. Then it came again and moved lower, and lower and i knew i wasn't imagining it. Alarms were ringing in my head. This isn't right. I have no idea who this guy is!

I pushed him away and ran off. I wasn't thinking right, or i would've gone to the museum guards. But i went for the bathroom instead, Washed my face. Thought it over and peered outside. he was gone. I wanted to report it to the guards but since he wasn't around i decided i didn't have to.

Of course, walking back into the city i wish i had, because who knew if he had been waiting for me outside? and he was big and tall.

Needless to say, i didnt speak to anyone else the rest of the day. And the rest of my trip, my conversations were reserved for my tour guide and tour mates. I was told off though when i got home,

'Didn't your mum ever told you not to speak to strangers?"

I could only nod in defense. Who knew?

My only advice is women, who travel on their own should always be careful of their surroundings. I never thought it would happen to me. but it did. And i am now more aware of violation than before. It isn't right.

I hope we all can learn a thing or two from my experience.

September Rain

2009-04-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

One day left in town. I put up this photo because we took this not even over a year ago in September during Eid Mubara'. And i loved it. WE were a complete family again. maybe this year it would be the same. InsyaAllah.

Riders of Rohan!

2009-04-25T14:29:00.000-07:00

Any LOTR fan knows that the great trilogy, its movie was shot in over a 100 locations on both islands of New Zealand, and Christchurch, or Mt.Sunday to be exact, was where the kingdom of Rohan was built; literally.

Of course, nothing stands on the beautiful rock this day, except for holes on its rocky ruins and remnants of bolts stuck to it as proof of construction. here i share photos of my hassle-free LOTR tour of Edoras. Complete with a Know-it all tour guide (love ya rex!), yummy lunch, and great scenery.

Dorothy and I battling it out for middle earth ;)

sisters, Liz and Christina were the Eowyn's of our trip.

The hills did look short from where i was standing, but no!

As my sis would say, "You've arrived in New Zealand!", gorgeous lake clearwater

City centre of Christchurch

2009-04-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

Settled originally by the Ngai Tahu Maori tribe, the official British settlers arrived in Christchurch in 1850; and it became New Zealand's first city by Royal Charter.You can see the colonial heritage by the tree-filled parks, meandering streams and many stone buildings that makes it very similar to England. In my opinion, Christchurch is well planned out with a fine balance struck between the tranquility of suburban and village life with the metropolitan bustle of a small city.

A person i know keeps saying how similar, or perhaps how Christchurch is better than Scotland. (Having been to Scotland, i could say there ARE similarities but they are both two different parts of the world). Reaching the city, you can see that it was built around a Cathedral, a testament to the city's Anglican heritage; the cathedral square unassumingly taking the role as its centre. Canterbury museum and Chris College showing hints of gothic style architecture; both easily accessed right across the streets of the cathedral.

I mostly enjoyed a walk across Hagley Park, it is the third largest park in the world (yeap!), after NYC's Central park and London's Hyde Park. Tram ride around the city's main sights is a must for a tourist, though most of the locals have never even tried it (due to the fact that the tram route passes through buildings n sites that are all within considerable walking distance from each other).

If ever in doubt of your activities while anywhere in NZ, just head on to the local i-site. I did on my very first day and got 3 days booked on incredible day-tours. :)

Rainbows

2009-04-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

I always thought i'd be nicely represented in a kaleidescope of colours.
even if my wardrobe does not represent such things.
hmm.

Sweet Home Malaysia!

2009-04-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

First off, a shout out to my bff Dr.Farissa Hussin; so proud of you love! (you were so afraid and panicky for nothin! told ya! ;) ) InsyaAllah if all goes well for me in the next year, i'll be joining your ranks soon. But of course, i don't claim myself to be brilliant as you are. I have doubts on my own abilities but we shall see. Congatulations again :D we can celebrate Friday beramai-ramai k?

I have been back for....over a week now.
and i have been successfully bumming around at home! yes, you may frown upon my laziness to achieve somewhat more productive means while on holiday but i do not care. I think doing chores and helpin out at home is a wonderful thing that i miss. (being around the noisy banter of my kid siblings is like music to my ears - i missed them loads)

on a lighter note, i do still have about 4 weeks left. yeah, groans...what to do?
money is scarce, too lazy to get a job cos i already have one waiting for me back in makassar.
So...(drum roll pleasee)
i finally get to fly away :) only for a little bit. to see my fav holiday destination.
if not to see my sister; i can go on tour as planned last year.
KL -Melbourne -Christchurch

Another adventure awaits
I can't wait.

Dee

Oh Baby Baby

2009-03-25T19:46:00.001-07:00

The lyrics to a certain song of Ms.Spears probably springs to mind eh?

Babies. They have a certain scent to them. After a while you kind of miss it when its gone.

Perinatology was brief and eventful, I had 8 newborns under my care for a week. And I lost one. I had tried with all my best efforts to avoid losing one,

But it had to happen. That was last week, my 7^th week in Paeds. Total accumulation of patients I have lost to God and fate was 7.

I remember each one vividly. How can you say I don't care? I do. I never stopped caring. I just have to move on more quickly than others. Because there are other lives for me to care for.

I am now in my 8^th week. I pray no one gets lost this time

Shades of gray seem to color my entries recently I think

But I am in no foul mood at all.

Weird. I'm smiling, from ear to ear

Truthfully!

And no, its not because the week is ending,

Not because my exams are growing nigh,

Not because I'm going to fly home soon,

Not because I've expanded my waistline,

Not because its not flooding anymore;

Just because.

I like smiling.

Smiling makes me happy.

And yes, I like to know that I sparkle when I smile.

Peace.

Things to do by 27thMarch:

Study and excel in my exam!
Renew Study Visa!
Renew SKLD!
Renew STNK mobil!
Apply for Re-Entry permit
Buy Tiket to Melbourne/perth/Bangkok/Christchurch (cannot choose yet)
Move from old house
Pay Bills Bills Bills
Island Trippin in Makassar :P – I need to see the beach and swim my stress away. Huhu

Dee.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fly me to the moon

2009-03-06T22:03:00.001-08:00

I made a booking. its written in ink. and paid for. Heeeeee

i am taking that trip. Soon

Passport to Insanity

2009-03-06T21:05:00.001-08:00

MAROS : RUMAH SAKIT SALEWANGANG (MAROS MAIN HOSPITAL)

DAY 1: 8.00.am

D: Erh, hey guys, so what do we do here? How many patients do we accept per day eh?

F: Oh, it s pretty basic gals, maybe 2 or 3, at most 5 or 6. But you do have time to sleep, eat and finish up your proposal for tomorrow.

D: Proposal? Tomorrow? I haven't typed anything yet, Who's the Supervisor here?

Nurse: Doc, there's a new patient here for you from ER.

F: Go ahead Dee, we're leaving. Good luck!

11.30pm

Nurse: Doc, ER called, there's 2 more patients waiting because all the wards are full.

D: what? That makes 11 patients just for today!.*%$#@

Day 2: 5.30 am

D: Shooot, I fell asleep! I haven't followed up my patients!

45 patients later

D:Phew, all lookin fine, now..to go for that shower..

<knock>

Nurse: Doc! OBGYN called, there's a ceasarian goin on. Need u there A.S.A.P.

D: I just..?

Nurse: Doc! Your patient, he's seizing!

D:Huh? Ok..ok..

Day 3: 2.00 am

D; I finished my proposal! Yess..now..time to zzz..

D: I am not here! Go away!

Nurse: Doc, theres 2 new babies here in perinatology, suspected tetanus, he's seizing!

D: grumble..grumble..

4.00am

D: Okay..zzzzz

Nurse: Doc! Apneu! Apneu! He's not breathing!

D: Ambu Bag! Oxygen please! Crap, he's cyanotic. 5 litre! HR: 60? Compress!

And so there it is; a brief picture of how my days were. 8 days of wonderful experiences, more bad than good, but educational none the less; in MAROS.

Things you go through here, you'll never get anywhere else.

No residents, only one attending specialist available from 9 am - 2 pm. Above those hours; the patients life are all in my hands. Take THAT responsibility. For a medical student..that is big. Because I knew NOTHING.

Sure, I did my best; and still I did lose more than one patient. 3 babies, new born premature babies, one was as tiny as 400gm whom fought strongly to live as long as 2 days.She outlived a 1500gm baby that only lasted 4 hours after birth.

All of them I stayed with till the end. I wished I tried harder. Then again, who knew what was going to happen eh?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LABUANG BAJI: RUMAH SAKIT UMUM LABUANG BAJI

After 8 days in Maros – phew (I survived!) the nightmare continued as I was again posted abroad (anywhere outside the main teaching hospital) for another restless week. So the drive home from Maros wasn't a drive home at all, more like a drive past home towards the other end of the state border to another hospital.In L.B (Labuang Baji), the sight of the infusion pole is bad news. Full capacity of the paediatric ward was 80 patients and GOD, there were more than 80 kids when I got there.

Taking a deep breath as we ascend the staircase to what most medic stdents here consider the 2^nd hell, we joined our fellow junior dr.s clerking patients in. In Maros, there were only 2 of us to handle everyone. Here, there were 10. And was I glad.

DAY 1: Condition: ALIVE, breathing and going strong. 'Come on guys! Chop chop. We need to get this done! Sheesh. Who needs sleep?! We cn DO this!

Da2 2: ALIVE, breathing and STILL strong! " I'll take 2 wards, sheesh. I'm done from 5 am. You're not DONE? Alright, I'll help out.."

Day 3: WEAK, breathing hungry : "What? More patients? But we have NO SPACE. You hear me? NO SPACE? This table? U want, THIS table? Okay.."

Day 4: WEAK, Sleepy: "No more..i have enough patients.. u take him, no…u take him..what? me? Fine.."

DAY 5: WEAK, barely standing. "Eh..fever, chills…epileptic….zzzzzzz…oh..wait..rhinitis..zzzzzz"

Ice picks and Snowstorms

2009-03-03T04:39:00.000-08:00

i feel the cold. no winds. no snow. but still cold.

i need to fly away. and then come back another day.

- 3 weeks left..3 weeks..

Dee

Tags tags Tags

2009-02-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

Copies it off Za's page ;) (peace za..hehe. mcm best!)
1) Movies.

Please copy the following rules in your post (as usual)
1. You have to point out 5 romantic movies that you would love to share with your loved ones..
2. It doesn't have to be in order.. as long as you love the movies, it will be fine..
3. You have to tag another 5 person to answer this tag.

Un - A Walk to Remember.
Deux - Someone Like You.
Trois - 50 First dates - Adam Sandler n Drew rule!
Quatre - Pride and Prejudice.
Cinq - How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days

**********************************************************************

2) Urban Dictionary

Instructions
Go to www.urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you. I guarantee you're gonna find some pretty hilarious results.

1. Your name?
Nadiah

Nadiah isn't defined yet.

2. Age?
23

The greatest number of all time. (yessa!)

3.One of your friends?
Sheila

A sheila is a worshiping word for a beatiful mysterious woman that one of your mates knows on a first name basis, but you have never met

(hrmm..? worshipping word? she is gonna love this!)

4. What should you be doing?
Sleeping

To ~~masturbate~~ furiously in your room while praying that your grandma doesn't come in.

(WTF? Eh this urban dictionary is insane and immoral!)- i agree with zaza! wth?

5. Favorite colour?
Purple

Extremely potent marijuana, specifically marijuana buds that have a purple hue to them. Also accompanied by a fragrant, usually fruity smell and mad perma-grin.

(Okay seriously gila this dictionary haha)- thought purple means zesty, and passionate and magickal! haha

6. Birthplace?
Kuala Lumpur

the short name of kuala lumpur
the capital of malaysia
"kl is a city full of fun ,welcome to kl !!!"

7. Month of your birthday?
November

The best month of the year! Snow, getting ready for Christmas, celebrating thanksgiving & havin thanksgiving break!

November rocs my socs

(if only it snows here too!)

8. Last person you talked to?
Dayat
Not defined yet.

haha

9. One of your nicknames?
Dee

The original one-deelight-deelicious-deevious-deevoted-all the hot dee words- woohoo!

***********************************************************************

3) Answer this!

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Nadiah Md Alwi

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle).
Nadizzle. (heeeheee)

3. YOUR SPY NAME: (favorite colour and favourite animal).
Purple tiger (That's Hot!)

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number).
Md Kampung Tunku ????(Hahaha)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, and first 2 letters of your first name).
lwina (niceee...sounds elvish!)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (your 2nd favorite colour, and favourite drink).
Blue Coffee (hmm..sounds yummy instead of strong!)

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, and 3rd letter of your dads).
AWAAE (heeehee)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middle names).
Nona Che

9 . YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets).
Black Mocha (hahahaha.cool)

10 . YOUR HOOD NAME: (first 3 of your first name, and add -iqua).
Nadiqua (sounds like an ANTM winner! don't cha think?)

**************************************************************************

4) First letters

1. What is your name: Nadiah
2. A four letter word: Near
3. A boy's name: Nemo!
4. A girl's name: Nora
5. An occupation: Neurosurgeon
6. A colour: Neon pink!
7. Something you wear: Necklaces :D
8. A food: Noodles...
9. Something found in the bathroom: Newts!
10. A place: New Zealand
11. A reason for being late: Nailbiting
12. Something you shout: Nooooooooooooo!
13. A movie title: Neverwas'
14. Something you drink: Nu tea
15. A musical group: NSYNC! huhuh
16. An animal: Newt..
17. A street name: err...lemme think..Nelson Street...nobody said kna kat msia..huhuh
-------------------------------------

posting up updates on my outposting in maros and Labung baji soon. :D need time to write and think of aLL the interesting things that occured.

Dee

Come and Go

2009-01-18T00:34:00.000-08:00

This was the bed in the on call room at Dadi's Stroke center where i spent many nights in disturbed sleep a nd writing countless status for th e many patients..

things i have on me 24/7.

And my beloved peacock crocs that are now so muddy and worn out, i'm thinking of getting a second pair in purple. hehe

i start paediatrics tmorrow.

Neurology was quick. exam was..well..a breeze. haha. nah.

i'm just mentally exhausted. but happy :D 3 down. 3 more to go before i get to the next level.

tonight adalah mlm untuk berfoya-foya.

here's to 9 weeks of unexpected twists and turns.

Dee

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2009-01-13T05:17:00.000-08:00

It is like the series of loved childrens boks, or even a made for tv movie.

It started with the change of schedule. my On-call nights that lasted for 2 days, all through the weekend and sighs- yes, relentless comatose patients coming in with stroke, haemorhagging ones as well as trombositic or embolic. (you get my drift..) To make matters worse, there were 2 patiens in the ward i had to follow up their vital signs per hour.

1. the witching hour of midnight on saturday came and went with the passing of a patient that was doing farely well.

2. 2 am and another patient came rolling in, all epileptic and losing concsiousness.

3. 6 am and it is already monday where i; in my fourth week at neuro, supposed to be at a different hospital by 6.30 am.

4. First day at Pelamonia Hospital and my wallet got stolen from the on-call room
(along with all signs of identification, atm, credit card and my one and only copy of car ownership license)

5. Still Monday and i fell flat on my back in the rain, at the front gates of the Wahiddin teaching hospital. Yes, and i had people selling noodles laughing as i strut out, dirty coats and all.

6. This morning, Tuesday, my shift of on call nights got added as the squeaky little junior doctor reported that i gave her too many hours. sheeesh.

7. And for all the cursing i did, my car wouldn' start for an hour which ended up making me unable to pay for my immigration papers..

so..7 in all. or maybe i should add the one that started it all..another year of unrelenting rainfall that pours into my beautiful home ad causes mass destruction..ok.maybe not mass...but destruction all the same.

no sleep..i do eat though...no rest. and i still have my final exam to study for by Friday.

That, and the sad news i hear of the war in Palestine. What happened to humanity? Human rights?

Dee

30 seconds to Midnight

2009-01-04T01:04:00.001-08:00

another day. another battle to fight. another sun rises before it sets for another day.

i got the morning off today after a gruelling 36 hour shift at the trauma unit. (sheesh..why does every head injury needs a neuro consult? every dog bite, every stroke...live healthier people!)

so, i pretty much blacked out when i got home last night at 10 pm, and opened my eyes to a whole new morning at 8am. That was the most sleep i've ever gotten in the past 2 weeks..seriously.

So, i got to do my laundry, a lil bit of housekeeping ( i've just realized what a slacker i have been for those 2 weeks and yes..months to come), before i got a call to join S and Wah for a much anticipated brunch of Dim Sum later.

It was good. and quiet to say the least. The Suki restaurant- is normally packed on a Sunday; but unlike today it was pretty scarce. So we ate and caught up with each other. My clinical stories and their updates on the town and class gossip.

Ah, how it is to be free and laid back. Then we headed for a movie since my shift tonight is at 9pm..i thought what the heck. I haven't seen High School Musical 3 and yes, lame. But i happen to love musicals. haha ( hello, please watch Across the Universe, Mamma Mia and at least Johhny Depp's attempt as the dreaded barber..it is worth it!)

and since i'm not studying and wasting my time as it is, i thought why not. go online and check out things i haven't been able to..because...in the next 24 hours i'll be living in the Stroke Centre Hospital about an hour's drive away and golly gee...i have no idea if i'll survive.

Sighs. few minutes and hours before it all.

i wonder what i'll do next. seems that all my neuro notes and books are eluding my grasp.

2 weeks left, and then HELLO NIGHTMARE of Paediatrics!

Dee

Accumulations

2008-12-26T22:26:00.000-08:00

I am next door, in a huge house, yes..not my own..finally able to get online for a teeny bit of leisure plus work.

references galore is what i should be cruising-or better suited term is surfing for. but i thought i'd drop in and write a bit. its 2.30pm. i have 6 hours before i have,..no-wait 5 hours before i have to leave for my my on-call shift at the neuro dept. for the next 24hrs. ahh. i can hardly wait.

sure, i would like to share the few experiences, funny 7 sad moments all rolled up in one day under 15 minutes of life changing actions. it's a great tribulation of feelings when you come in to see a patient whom had attack of stroke, unable to move, speak or even open his eyes..just look at you, smile his/ her crooked smile and say "Thank you."

Of course, i wasn't the dr. that treated or signed his prescriptions..but i was the junior doctor that accepted him/her and his/her family when they first came.

The rest of the days aren't as great..after a while you get stuck in a rut of routine work that you have no identifiable feelings for some patients. or so i hear my residents say...its dissapointing. thinking if you'd turn out like that.

Okay. i'm getting lost in translation already.

work is never done.

Untill then,
Dee

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Putting on a smile everyday is tiring.

Telling everyone you’re fine and dandy when you have no idea how you are – even worse.

So how do I fix it? Am I depressed? Seriously?

Why.?

I have so much going for me, things that some people can only dream of. But why am I not HAPPY?

Yes. I get lonely. I live in a house alone. I eat by myself. I study on my own. And watch dvd’s in the comfort of my own home ALL by myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I call up the occasional friends to go out, n have fun or just ring em up to hang out when they’re free. Maybe I don’t make enough effort to socialize.

Now? It rains. No It pours, 24 hours a day and it won’t stop. Everybody’s staying in.

The house floods when I’m not around. So I stay to make sure it doesn’t happen.

Someone told me they think I’m strong.

Me? Strong? Yeah- cos I am independent, I do everything on my own. In my defense, I don’t really know whom I can call if ever I need help.

Argh.

Maybe it’s the immediate change of environment. Just 2 days back I was home, with my family and yes eventhough it was raining all day there as well; I didn’t feel this bad. I wasn’t alone.

I’m just sad,and sick.

Yep, coming down with the flu and hating it.

Damp.moldy.and cold. –that’s my address.

Dee

nerves nerves nervess

2008-12-25T07:48:00.000-08:00

will update soon. time is limited.

sighs..

help. me.

Food oh glorious Food !

2008-12-16T06:39:00.000-08:00

i shall miss eating soo much good food from home. *sniff*

The baking process of mini choc-chip banana-fana muffins

Cakes, cakes and more cakes

IKEA's Daim cake

Home made lompat-tikam

ZEN's : chocolate gateoux

My birthday cupcakes from Naurah! (+wondermilk.)

Big Hearty Meals

there is more.. to come. :)

Picnics, Karaokes and Baked GoOds

2008-12-16T04:52:00.000-08:00

Picnic at Lake Gardens

The 2 Bday gals: Adeq + Mel

Carlo's Canteena : yummy beef enchiladas This is my car: Extremeeeee :) haha

Another year is ending, and although i was lucky enough to get a 2 week break to fly back and celebrate some year end holiday-cheer with my family and friends; i'd have to say that i'm feeling a bit down still.

It's the whole leaving, goodbyes and the knowledge that once i step on that plane, and later turn the keys of my front door back in Makassar, no one will be home, waiting for me.

No annoying kids running around asking me to take them out.
No more screams or even tears shed from a harmless sibling wrestle-match.
No one to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch football.

You get my drift. but then again, i do know that if i have all that to worry about way over there, it probably won't be easy to finish my studies by 2010.

In 2 weeks; i have had a blast. Baking cookies, muffins and yes, eating loads and loads of cuppacakes (thank you Naurah ;) There was that lovely picnic at Lake Gardens (yes mum, thank you for the map...i...wouldn't have made it there without you. hehe)
which ended at kopitiam.
Back to back karaoke sessions at Redbox?! Oh the songs we picked. The windbreaker wearing rapper of the 90's, haha. those were good times.

Ahem. Now, on to the serious stuff.

Next department: N-E-U-R-O-L-O-G-Y

Am i prepared? Heck, i'm far from prepared.

HELP!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just in case i won't have time later to type this in. here's my New Year's resolutions: 2009

Finish Level 1 & half of Level 2 Clinicals!
Travel to Europe/ Asia (i keep putting this off...no more!) in between my breaks
Be more thrifty with my monthly allowances..
Stop eating so much junk...ok.maybe reduce junk food intake (i need to practice what i preach..haha)
Recycle, Reuse, and be more Environmental friendly! (the earth needs our help)
Read read and read more books. (I am never as knowledgable as i ought to be.)
Cook more, talk less and sleep whenever possible. (yes yes yes.)

Haha,
Dee

Oven mitts

2008-12-06T02:17:00.000-08:00

updated.

I'm always up for a facelift -of my blog that is. Though there are some link errors here and there. gonna try to fix it soon.

Raya haji is around the corner. 2 days to go. wish everyone was here.

Dee

B a n a n a - N u t s

2008-11-11T01:52:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me what the heck- was i talking about..the whole banana-nut muffin cravings? well. Here's a recipe of it i found and trust to get your taste buds tickling with sweetness.
try it and u shall seee....if only i had an oven over here.

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 1/4 cups mashed ripe bananas (about 3 large)
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1/4 cup milk
1 large egg
1 cup unsalted macadamia nuts, toasted, chopped

Preparations

Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease twelve muffin cups or line with muffin papers. Sift first 4 ingredients into large bowl. Combine bananas, both sugars, butter, milk and egg in medium bowl. Mix into dry ingredients. Fold in half of nuts. Divide batter among prepared muffin cups. Sprinkle tops of muffins with remaining macadamia nuts. Bake until muffins are golden brown and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 25 minutes. Transfer muffins to rack and cool.

VoiLa! you have the best breakfast muffins ever. trumps blueberries anytime. ;)

randomness

2008-11-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

I am procrastinating. yet again. it just feels sooooo... good?

this week i only have one shift; or they would call it 'jaga 1'.(thank you minggu 1 peeps for cming in! huhuh..sha, joe and sarah..heee) but am still about 2 status short.

dr.Sonny will only tolerate my procrastination till Monday i think. so what am i still typing this?

maybe the excitement of having my own internet line in the comfort of my own home is still getting to me.

okay. ten more minutes. and i'm gonna get back to work. really. i am.

ini adalah nasi goreng chicken roll . it was not so yummy. huhuh.

i still want that banana nut muffin..pfft. and the apple pie ala' mode..

Snip Snip!

2008-11-07T04:32:00.000-08:00

I did the most deliberate thing this evening after dinas shift was over.

I said "hooray, obama won!" a day too late. haha. and...

I got a hair-cut.

An expensive cut that i've been avoiding for over a year (yet keep telling my friend, ahem.. hehe..that i was going to get it done), all in 30 minutes-plus the hair mask and treatment of course ;)

no idea why i did it. just suddenly felt like chopping it all off.

and now i feel young and weightless.

hee hee. oh no. i'm cracking myself up.

Aren't those tell-tale signs of something?

uh-oh.

Psychotic and non-psychotic

2008-11-04T03:12:00.000-08:00

We took the MMPI test yesterday, after registering with the residents of the psychiatric departments.

MMPI stands for the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. To see our unconcious mind whether we ourselves have mental disorders or not. funny.

Day One
-------
+ reporting for duty
+ introduction to the department by residents
+ instructions for case handling and assignments with supervisor and personal resident guide.
(i got the so called angelic Dr.Sonny Lisal, Sp.KJ)
+ on call schedule given out and lucky me. straight away tonight was my shift to 'jaga'

afternoon shift: 2pm-9pm
night shift: 9pm-7am
office hours: 7.30am-2pm

As excited as i was to be the first to jaga malam, i was kind of scared. and intimidated by the howls of such psychotic patients in my care.
thankfully only 2 patients required me to do a 3 hour follow up.
One patient was a B20 patient with TB and dyspnea. She was the one we all had to worry about.

i ended up only sleeping between 3-5 am. my first sleepless night inside the co-ass chamber. we accepted 3 patients in the middle of the night with complaints of rage and hallucinations.

----------

a lot of people say working in the psych department can drive u crazy. i used to think that wasn't true. but 2 days in and i do think i'm no different than some of them that are sleeping in these wards that i roam. Okay, so i don't think i'm GOD..or is paranoid that an FBI agent is gonna kill me..but u know what i mean.

F r e e d o m

2008-11-02T03:44:00.001-08:00

one down. many more to go.

i read the other blogs. flipped through the many photos.
sighed at every vacation recounted, sniffed at every tragedy. then i realized,
i myself have not written anything here to give anyone else a picture of the short
3 weeks i spent in the radiology department.

Trust me. everyone has stories to tell.

the first week was a breezy one with many a doctors leading and guiding us new travelers of the radiology hall. We were given a log book, thick empty pages for us to fill with everything and anything we see while we cruise.

How we identify and diagnose a patient without even meeting the patient.(except the ones that come for an MRI a CT, or ultrasound and the occasional HSG)

But technically, all we need is knowledge, a bit of imagination and super-sized eagle eyes to spot the blurry details of a thorax photo.

Exams were a whirlwind of blank looks and possible answers - there were 2 exams. An oral exam on our research paper and such..and the final photo-reading exam. Thankfully i made it through both on friday and jumping straight into psychiatry on monday.

hmm..vague, aren't i? next entry maybe. :D cheers

Photo

2008-10-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

adrenaline pumping, heart racing, knees go weak and sweat starts to trickle down the sides of my forehead.

first days always make me nervous. first time for anything; anything at all. Whether it is the first day of school, first exam paper, firsts..

today was no exception. it was more or less what we expected.

but only 8 hours and my legs are weak from the standing. and the rushing about following doctors around.

more to come. more to do. this is only the beginning of it all. phew...

deep breaths. deep breaths.

Back to Reality

2008-10-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

i am leaving for Mkassar today. in 12 hours i would have to check in for that dreaded flight.

yep. and I'm still high strung on the 'holiday syndrome'

bad news is, my sis just got admitted to the hospital a few hours ago. Her asthma acting up again. I feel bad for still having to leave while she's being monitored; but there is nothing much i can do. i leave her my best wishes and prayers to be well again.

shoes. bags. skirts. some bits and pieces of furniture, my cam and computer gadgets. sighs. all strewn across the floor waiting for me to pick them up and stuff em' into my bag. wait; which bag? dilemma. books, books and the endless mountain of books i thought i could carry. 15kgs...who am i kidding. air asia should make it 15 kg per bag, they already are charging each bag we bring..haiyah.

will miss home. my dearly beloved siblings. teman-teman ku juge.

back to reality.

Eid Mubarak

2008-10-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

Just tagging in to wish everyone a Selamat hari Raya or Happy Eid Mubarak.

Here i would like to extend my most sincere apologies for any wrongdoings, either intentionally or by accident that may or may NOT have hurt you. I am human and not perfect in anyway, so mistakes or human errors are bound to happen.:)
let's start over with a clean slate eh? have a good holiday everyone, cheers.

p/s: i shall put up photos soon. heehee. being with the family is always a plus.

War & Peace

2008-09-18T11:30:00.002-07:00

why can't we all just get along?

headlines all over the papers carrying the names of our nations leaders and politicians; giving false proclamataions, and later adding on excuses and scandal other than that of conspiracies against him and our nation.

Puh-lease. i know you know where i stand, but really.

i am so sick of my country's current political condition. we currently still have a leader. we are not at war with outsiders, but we re at war within ourselves. And for what purpose?

focus people. The world is bigger than us. we have to focus on our people's issues. like the current state of safety? and the increase in crime rates?

do something about THAT why don't you? and to those kids who write and talk shit about politics. It's not cool to dish dirt and sound confident when u have no idea what's going on. it does not make one seem intelligent. it's just sad.

Seven - written by Najah Alwi

2008-09-18T11:30:00.001-07:00

Bittersweet Chaos and Beautiful Disasters...
Share
Today at 4:44am
So, seven...
not two, not three, but seven.
Sometimes you hear about more, but I’m gonna just ramble about seven.
I know about seven. I am the seven.
Seven my lucky number. Seven Siblings. Seven Little Terrors...including moi, myself and I.

Seven sets of eyes, seven pairs of shoes, fourteen sets of kicks,
A hundred forty toes and fingers,
Seven birthdays, seven stubborn-headed, contrasting individuals,
Five girls and two boys,
Seven shouting voices, different pitches ~depending on tempo and mood- gruff in the morning, more calmer round the eve or dinner time,
Seven fashion spin (stolen dresses, shoes, and yes even straighteners!)
Seven music tastes blaring into the air,
Seven mouths to feed (albeit two very HUGE ones)... or the allergies/special requirements/ just being sulky...
Two would be giggling, while the other two will be sobbing , one will be hiding, the other two probably just watching and shaking their heads...
One takes the lead, the three tries to defy, two half heartedly obeyed, there will always be one that gets away...
At times there were Four against one, or Two against Three, sometimes we get too tired, we all just go out and have ice cream instead.
Or go watch the movies.
Or .
Divide errands.
Hah.
Or just hang out and play... Jenga, Monopoly...
recipe for unruliness, turmoil and disorder of all sorts.
Seven is diversity.
Seven is me... + six mini me’s.
Catastropic Messy Me's.

Selamat Hari Raya little ones. Maaf Zahir Batin.Cant wait for the fam pic with Nabawi and Naufal outdoing each other. Love lots ;)
x

=- i took this and just post it up because i think its beautifully written. simple but precise. :) and she's my sister anyway. heehee=-

Sahur Sahur!

2008-09-09T12:11:00.001-07:00

its 3.10 am and i am having trouble sleeping. NOT that I've had too much sleep.In truth I've only slept for a maximum of 5 hours yesterday, and 3 hours the day before. Jet lagged? Now that's pushing it too far. hehe.

Trying insanely hard to put up photos of my Grad day for my sis to see. And old KKN shots that i took and really desperately want to share with the world; but failing miserably.

So here i am, blog hopping to see if anyone has updated in the last month. Got tired of my old template, so decided to change it as well. Still don't feel like this is me. But this shall have to do for a while.

I just realized that over here in Malaysia nobody cares if you get up for sahur or not. In Makassar, we get woken up as early as 2.30 a.m by the calls from the mosque and a few assigned teens that walks through the housing areas banging on gates and glass bottles to wake the residents up.

Calls of "sahur, sahur," in different melodic verses can be heard and shall only cease when you get up and turn on the bloody living room lights for all the other dwellers to see.

Funnily enough, i find it refreshing.

Happy sahur everyone. It is another day down ;)

Tagged: 15 little known facts

2008-09-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!

how sure r u i'm being perfectly honest? :D here we go;

1. I actually memorize lines from movies that i love..+ hand movements, expressions and accents yes; and i can break into a dialogue sometimes when a situation calls for it. Like when i watch the same movie over and over; i little known fact 1.

2. I hate waiting for people when they bum a ride for me. my limit is 20 minutes. If i stay silent when u get in the car. i'm pretty pissed.

3. I love and know all disney animated songs by heart. hello? "I can show you the world..." "hakuna matata" even mulan's, "i'll make a man out of you"

4. I vow to eat less every day of the week and NEVER follow through :P and became a vegetarian for 5 days.

5. I secretly want to be Angelina Jolie. Gorgeous, Intelligent, warm-hearted yet intimidating as hell. Having Brad Pitt on my arm is not a bad bonus either right?

6. I literally am a klutz with my hand phone. I've dropped it, smashed it, left it everywhere, lost it and even now i have no idea where my phone is. "Eh, have you seen my phone?" is synonymous with the name Nadiah Alwi.

7. i get tired texting past the 7th sms.I'm the phone-call type. my fingers aren't strong enough to keep pushing the buttons.

8. When I'm studying i like to do my hair in many different styles. Sometimes I'd start with a braid, after 2 hours of studying I'd twist it into small Leia-like buns. and sometimes I'd play with a scarf and wrap it; Alicia Keys style.hehe.its a weird habit.

9. I simply LOVE RPG (Role Playing Games) Games on my PS2. i love watching the 3D graphics, i am always fascinated by the story lines and characters they come up with. Final Fantasy 8, Legend of Dragoon was a fave and Breath of Fire was classic. I can play and not sleep for a whole 2 days, Just to finish the quest.

10. I don't like it when people see me cry. I somehow miraculously believe that it shows that i am weak. it isn't just me right?

11. I like it when tall guys have to bend down to hear me talk. because i like feeling small. hehehe.(not much of a request since I'm only about 5"1..)

12. I made a long list of things to do before i turn 25. And now i have 2 years to complete it all.Which i am not confident i can finish..although i have crossed off quite a few.

13. I fear the thick skinned and slimy lizards of all walks of life. cockroaches i can deal with, snakes too. but not lizards. they r just creepy.

14. Love writing, as in letters, old school hand-written letters to friends and family members even though my hand writing is barely readable. And i used to have quite a hand full of pen-pals; Ornsiri Vorayos (Thailand) Emma (U.S.A). Kat (Asia) and a few others..(err..forgot their names- means it never got further than 2 letters maybe. haha)

15. Finally, i have

no freakin idea

what i am doing with my life. So I'm taking it day by day and pray to Allah S.W.T that whatever i choose to do is going to get me through my life blissfully ;)

how weird are those facts? not so much eh?

i'm tagging: zaza, kak wani, farissa, faiza, farahana, shida and hazel-nut!

Why so serious?

2008-08-27T05:57:00.000-07:00

KKN is over,

and yes Kak Wani. i am one of the few that keeps playing each detail of everyday in my head, and reminisce the "beautifully painted" good times i had.

And honestly, it was 3 parts fun + 2 parts stress for me. personally. I made new friends, improved my local knowledge and interaction skills, helped the local community as fas as i was able and came home feeling relieved yet a bit empty.

Maybe its because when i got home, my house was empty. My housemate wasn't back yet, my pets Ella and Mocha were still at H's house. I unpacked, cleaned the house, did my laundry and just sat in the living room thinking of the others; how we would usually play cards at this hour. Or walk together to the 'bakso stall'. Heck, i even miss the morning banter for the bathroom rights.

But i am postively cured now. How can i not be? even when KKN was over a week ago, my posko mates and i have met up twice for karaoke sessions. And boy they had a lot of fun. Surprisingly, whatever tension we saw between some parties earlier on were faded down to Nil. Which i was happy about.

Oh, and I got my KKN grade too. A ;) Alhamdulillah.

Now..i am again stressed..but for the preparations of this coming grad ceremony. Sure, its only for S.Ked. Our 1st graduation. But wearing the robe and cap is a right i think we all earned after these long 3 years eh? So why so serious?

Oh what Luck!

2008-07-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

Came home for the second time during my 8 week posting and yes. it has been a struggle.

IN the last week, my kordes (group coordinator) and our only other male group member was involved in an accident. they both attained quite visual bruises and cuts; which turned out to go deeper than what was visible. So, they were taken back to Makssar, the main town for treatment. So we were going then , going to be without a coordinator, nor any male counterpart for the most busiest week of our stay.

then Wayan, the coordinator went ahead and told me to coordinate our messed up group. I was already treasurer with much hatred blown my way for somkehow taking the post away from the previous treasurer. So i refused at first, then i realised in truth that my group mates have been taking it all for granted. No work gets done without the boys. i wanted to change that.

And so only after 2 days of my holding the post, i was labelled "Power-crazy chick".
Yes, i made sure nobody showers more than 10 minutes and woke everybody up by 6. But in my defense, our programs started at 8. I'm a planner. for things that i know, i can control.

Today though, is a different matter.

heidy Ika and I left our post in Suppa at 6 am to arrive in campus at 10.30am. Alhamdulillah i found out i got an A in acupuncture! Although Huey beat me to the highest score. i was just ecstatic that i could graduate this september. Then we went up to the production house; where we were supposed to take our grad photo (all dolled up in kebaya and bun) only to find it empty and locked. We were told we should come back tomorrow.

All happy and with one goal in mind (de-stress) we headed to MP (mall panakukkang) for lunch and a movie. (Batman two rocks. though it is a tad long. Joker is saddistic. yet classic.) by the time i got home, it was 8pm. And just when i turned the lock of my front door, all the lights went out. Dang.

So i waited it out in the dark, illuminated by the few candles i could find for 40 minutes before i gave up waiting and decided to go to a friends house and shower.
On the way though, i misstepped in the middle of the road and broke the strap of my brand new sandals. I dragged my feet all the way to Rusunawa (the apartment building) amidst the laughter of a few passerbys.

Oh what luck. Thankfullly that friend was home and got to clean myself, shower and pray before i settled in to update my laptop as well.

Everything happens for a reason. Maybe i'm just meant to get abother pair of shoes. Hehe.

I may be deemed power crazy. but at least it works. for these people. and me. I know i can do it.:0)

2008-07-17T02:03:00.000-07:00

It was still early in the day, about 2 hours after leaving the house, we were already in Pangkep.
I sitting on the passenger side of Huey's Honda jazz as i took in the breathtaking view.

In a moment, i felt a sense of deja vu. The view was not exatcly the same (how can it ever be?) but so similar..rocky beach side to my left, as we drove a narrow barrier-less road, with sloping greenish hills to my right. I was taken back to my road trip in NZ with my sis. The only thing different was my companion, and the music playing in the background.

Sulawesi is a cyclist's paradise; or so i read in an article once. It was writteb by a norwegian cyclist who travelled this very road i was on with his son more than once (i believe he said four). driving away from the hustle and bustle (or dust and noise) of Mkassar, i found the rest of the southern island to be peaceful and beautiful. Pangkep is a small, clean and organised. Pare=pare; my point of destination was a bit more of a complicated town with winding hills and increasing traffic. But cleaner, and more peaceful to the eyes than mkassar was.

Anyway, the drive to my post was only 4 hours long, and it turned out that the village i was posted to was one of the few modern ones. At least more than 40% of the residents had functioning toilets (be it indoors or outdoors), access to clean water and good sense of hygiene to keep away diseases. However, my post was known for experienceing endemics of DHF (dengue High fever) and HIV positive patients. Wasn't i scaredwhen i found out..

All in all, we are sent to do our jobs and help the residents to overcome the health crisis and educate them towards a better understanding of how everything SHOULD be. And we are given 8 weeks to do so.

Its been 3 weeks now, and the most i got to learn is that these people are pretty hard headed. Some would accept your help, and knowledge but most would choose to live ignorantly. This is definitely a challenge. And i am still trying to find ways to reach some of them.

We have planned programs that includes:
- public toilets
- sewage lines
- bird flu and DHF awareness
and etc.

4 weeks. that's how much time we have left to act upon our research and evaluate the outcome of our actions.

so far, i have to admit. it has been fun.

Leaving so soon

2008-06-26T03:28:00.000-07:00

I met my KKN group mates today.

one denstistry student. 2 from nursing. 4 from community healthcare. and 4 of us from the medical faculty. awkward at first. there were only 2 men among us, wayan and ichwan; my fellow classmates.

Thankfully my supervisor turned out to be a very trustworthy maternal figure of a pharmacist. Who gave me the greenlight to arrive 2 days ater than the rest for i have to sit for my final (yes..always a final) acupuncture theory paper on the day of the BIG trip.

Found out as well that the village we are posted to is not too far from the main town. And the best news i could accept was that the toilet shall be indoors. Alhamdulillah!

Don't know if i would have the time to pop in and write a few words before i do leave this Wednesday as my days are now full with seminars, my acupuncture classes and skill labs. Besides having only 2 nights to study and then find a car to drive us out of town. Phew. hectic. hectic.

Will jot down a little something if i get to return before the 7 week of posting ends.

Pray for me!

Flowers for Algernon

2008-06-26T03:07:00.000-07:00

I finally finished this book after a long month of putting it off at the beginning of page 16; of course it was all for a good cause. Had too many exams close knitted week after week- and yes. Alhamdulillah I passed it all! (Do notice I dutifully exchanged ‘aced’ with ‘passed’ because I have no idea what my grade actually is.)

And how I feel for Charlie.

Even innocent little Algernon. Without the flowers on his grave.

The inexplicable truth is brilliantly written, explained and argued on limitations of human intelligence.

We search for it, attain it; and yet we still do fear it.

Why is it; in most of our minds the image of brilliance is one of Einstein with his unruly hair and crazy eyes, or poor old Isaac Newton? Even the ‘western idealism’ of smarts in interpreted into what we all know as the skinny, bespectacled kid a.k.a nerds.

Those aren’t the only greats of knowledge; you and I both know it to be true.

The journey Charlie takes from being a mentally retarded human being, well-loved and reasonably liked (or so he perceived), into a brilliant, knowledge fueled curious man. All in his own words and experiences.
Easily identifying all his past faults and mistakes in his mentally challenged perception into his newly educated, and normally functioning life he loses his friends, job and his trust and adoration of man kind.

I would suggest you pick it up and open your eyes to what lies beneath 

“What is wrong with a person wanting to be more intelligent, to acquire knowledge, and understand him and the world?” –Charlie Gordon

“Charlie, it’s not meant for man to know more than was given to him to know by the Lord in the first place. The fruit of that tree was forbidden to man. Charlie, if you done something you weren’t supposed to- you know, like with the devil or something-maybe it isn’t too late to get out of it. Maybe you could go back to being the good simple man you was before.”

God is great. His powers are not limited, so thus neither is His knowledge. So, what we achieve and what is given to us even in our journey or our search for something is all meant for us. If it wasn’t; we would not be able to find it in the first place. We always see only what we want to see. It’s human. We are limited. And we are not without our flaws.

Fly, away, fly.

2008-06-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

"Heaven isn't a place; heaven is perfection."
a quote from Jonathan Livingston Seagull. A book, belonging to my sister that i have just read about a couple of months back. It is quite a famous book. By Richard Bach.
It was known for its wisdom in aeronautical literature intertwined with a tale of personal discovery.
The latter always making it an interesting read.

It was not only one quote that i picked up from reading it, but a few. so here i am just thinking of sharing it because it actually is crossing my mind at this very minute. Though it might not be word for word, maybe you'll think of the hidden meaning beneath it as i did. ;)

"If our friendship depends on things like space and time, then when we finally overcome space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?"

here, i salute the friendship i have had with those of you, expanding time and space, mostly for over ten years now, ;)you know who you are and i appreciate your friendship

"We can lift ourselves out of ignorance, we can find ourselves as creatures of excellence and intelligence and skill."
-Jonathan Livingston Seagull-

Before i doze off. hehe. pick up the book if u r curious. ;)

Currently still reading: Flowers for Algernon (have not moved for ovr a week)

Photos

2008-06-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

Top left: Adilah, Ems, Tas, Sakinah Bottom left: Adeq, Has, Zazzy, Dots

The song i've been playing on my phone is now stuck in my head
I even saved it as my message tone. ;) Love the simplicity of the superfluous voice over the tinkering of the piano. 'Love song' by Sara Bareilles.

So, here, today. Just gonna share it with you. Because listening to all those sappy love stories, or awful romance trials the people around me have gone through, i just like this song. makes no sense eh? right.

Sara Bareilles Lyrics
Love Song Lyrics

and while i am busy printing my flipcharts for the 4th time! (you see how i can get all riled up by what this course is costing me?) went through some photos of Tash she updated on Fb.

Just realised how much i miss em all.

This morning i received a text from Dot, planning a quick getaway trip to Penang. And yeah, it would have been great to be able to reply a yes (after so many sorry's and can'ts in the last few years) but had to turn it down.

Dids use to tell me how she feels at times looking at photos of our friends back home and feeling left out. but we know how it is. We'll be back, for everything..even if we have missed most of the moments. there will be more to look forward to.

Now, if only i can get this flip chart done.

Messages

2008-06-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

i just realised that the last post was quite barren.

there was a picture that was supposed to be put up, but due to technical problems refused to show.

No matter, i found out just a few minutes ago that a friend of my just lost his mother. She passed away on Monday, and all i could do was text him my condolensces.

He didn't reply, and i didn't expec him to. What could he say? i myself didn't exactly know what to text him, just to let him know that i knew what happened. I could say i was sorry. But i guess it wouldn't have helped him in anyway. But i always thought it was courteous and only the right thing to do.

Being far, or at a distance. Even in these modern times can be trying. Sure, technology can cut away the distance you say, but technology is not everywhere. There are parts and limitations to its outreach. At least in between third world countries there are. AT least here, there is.

Phone lines are always crackling, internet is slow, or limited. Then even text messages don't get sent on time. What was meant to an emergency txt, is delivered and unsent till the very next day.

I am ranting. and rambling. and complaining. and i'm still in the city.

I wonder what it'd be like when i'm not. Time will tell. another 19 days to go.

Chills.

Self-love

2008-06-05T04:36:00.000-07:00

Haven't been sleeping well the past few days.
so i made this. It took me 20 mins.and yes.

i am an amateur.

thought i'd liven up my blog space. ;)

Dates

2008-06-05T03:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 4th of June. Maybe it's not a good thing for me to remind myself of someone who is gone; but yesterday would have been his 77th birthday. Today, during presentation i received another notification of death of a loved one. But this time he was only 3 years old. Lee; adorable yet annoying Lee Kuan Yew (yes, we named him after the S'pore president..oddly enough my grandfather named his cat Lee too.So it was in his honor we gave him that name)

So really, i am not in mourning of the loss of my cat, but the loss of another part of the memory i kept of my late grandfather. it's been two years; almost two years since he left us. But as anyone who have lost a loved one would say that it still feels like yesterday.

To me at least; and i know my sister us having an even harder time whenever little reminders of Baba creeps up. I was with him when it happened. When everything started to go downhill.
But yesterday, all i did was mull in front of the computer to deal with my tutorial reports and snuck a few episodes of House in between to avoid falling asleep. Wasn't even paying attention to the date. Untill i got the text from my sister.

Yeah, guilt was all over me then. How could i forget? in my defense, these past few days have been really hectic so i had the dates jumbled up really. But still, the guilt is there.
When do you start to let go? I know life has to go on and it has. But when you start to forget; does it portray you as a machine? cold. heartless. or just forgetful?

I wonder. I hope i won't forget next year.

So here's to Lee, a beloved cat who was mostly stuck up but pretty and so annoyingly loving that we always pushed him away. Hope Tigger isn't so lonely.

a beginners guide

2008-05-31T21:09:00.001-07:00

If you are reading this, which i doubt you are, welcome!

this would be; i could say the fifth blog page i've ever written in. Despite the fact that i once vowed to stop writing crap that i'm sure nobody reads anyway. two years back. I am, in my heart and soul a writer. Or so i would prefer to believe so.

Truthfully, it is a far better way to spend my precious free time ranting or rambling (putting the title description to good use here) to an unknown audience (this saying i actually have one) than staring at my TV screen watching dvd's all day. Did i mention my free time?

Also, i always thought my opinions should be heard, that is way i make such a good conversationalist (yeah, i wish). Anyway..the last two posts i put up here was merely an appetizer to what kind of things i will soon paste up here. And yeah, they were actually the few previous posts i had in my other blog pages; which is visibly inactive at this stage. but hey, those were good times...

In light of my layout, it was chosen by a good friend..though today i was thinking of changing it again. something darker and more subdued..they way i always had it. BUt i'm thinking i should keep it vibrant and eye-catching. So, i am in a dilemma. To change or not to change. It is fairly new..so i may keep this layout for awhile. Untill i can find a more suitable one..or manage to get a friend to design one for me.

SO here it is; what i would say a short (see..it is kinda short for an opening specch no?) intro to what is my blog. expect some mind-boggling bits of literature on my part next. AS i say au revoir for now ;)

Reading more of my time-consuming novel these days.and trying to go green all the way.

learned lessons

2008-05-31T04:43:00.000-07:00

Something to remember

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

Found this a few years back. and i thought it taught me a few things. if not a lot.

Dining table never lies

2008-05-31T03:52:00.000-07:00

I just loved this piece. :) Written by a friend, so i thought i'd share it. i put it up once in a blog owned 4 years back. so as a tribute to the few articles i shared, here's one to kick off my new blog. do enjoy the read.

DINING TABLES NEVER LIES

Our migration into Kuala Lumpur started as turning a fresh page in a book, but it soon progressed so rapidly, we literally opened a whole new book. The days we were spending together at our dining table for breakfast together became too strenuous, as we were afraid that one second late would bury us deep into heavy traffic on our way to the office. We soon exclaim it to be more convenient to buy curry-puffs at the foot of our office buildings and eat between busy phone calls with clients, contractors and suppliers.

Micro evolution of identity actually starts at home, as simple as deciding what to have for breakfast and recap encounters we had that day as we have our dinner. I firmly believe the food that our devoted mothers stir on her kitchens sets to determine our inner self identity. Regardless of our personal backgrounds, we regard our family community as something of our own charm and a stamped property.

If we were to compare what simple mothers prepare for the family in the rural areas with the urban’s, bold enough is the amount of attention given. What is a ritual and affectionate routine to some has become a commotion to the others. The end user of this simple task will go out to contribute to the society at large, and eventually shaping the nation. If architecture is about making human being comfortable and supportive of their milieus, then mummy’s breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper is the root of it all.

The big question is the depleting role of mothers in this fast urban life has significantly evolving, supplementing on our physical operations everywhere in the world. From the nasi-lemak-and-hot-tea to the Kellogs-Cornflakes-and-milk, we embrace ourselves, step outside the house and try to make a decent living.

The evolution of activities and demands makes urban mothers relatively busy, synonymous to an urban culture. The passion to feed healthy food becomes redundant; mothers opt for professional mamak stalls for help. We too, engaged and submit ourselves to the abundance of non-maternal victuals. This sole reliance, apart from distributing unnecessary familial wealth to strangers, is also ubiquitous. Slowly, the values of personal identity are lost in the demand of culminating monetary wealth.

Prototyped families, colonised in time are everyday losing a battle in sustaining their identity. As the urban life is all about pursuit, ‘instant mothers’ from international chains took over the routine of eating. This, in a general picture, makes mothers negligible, fathers financially-fragile and children spoilt, for choices, health, and the trademark the family holds. There is no more special dumplings, or mum’s hot chicken curry when everything you consume in the food courts are superficial and plain tasteless.

Food industry, no longer exclusive to our mothers, is now a gigantic and impersonal entertainment to the manufacturers as they continue to colonise our taste buds. How do we count our personality to differ from the family next door if the food we are now consuming consists of smaller modules of BigMacs, Cokes, Haagen Dazs and Starbuck’s fresh-brewed coffee? Our taste buds are now so globalised, we will get the same tang everywhere, even in remote towns. Are we no longer craving for the extra spicy sambal petai, and succulently sweet bubur kacang?

Even all attributes such as the provision of hypermarkets, one of the symbols of urban life, ease the needs to feed the family; we still awe ourselves at losing grip of our distinctiveness. This is an extremely important feature of the way we perceive this small chapter of ‘ourselves’, making the evolution of personal identity a remarkable feat to sustain. By contrast, this is a parallel with the issues of urbanisation, making our every sensible worth intangible.

If time is considered as an invaluable treasure, it may be honest to some, to sacrifice mum’s dinner so more time could be spent to fine-tune the multi-million dollar project proposal. This subjective anticipation will never drown the perception of domestic business is just too consuming. If architecture for human anticipates economy, surrounding and social matters, then a mother’s roles (as a catalyst for familial integrity), regardless our geographical location; in shaping the better part of us is more relevant than ever. What is therefore more appropriate to generate domestic economy to improve our environment and moral values as an identity to boast with pride? Are we not the least bothered with the fact that our mothers are on every corners of the city? We do claim that we are two very different people, are we not?

Yes, urban life makes us too hectic to entertain our basic needs, more importantly, too wretched to spend quality time with our family. Urbanisation has indeed imposes an impact, be it positive or otherwise, on every its inhabitants. What was once a simple task becomes a life threatening decision. The already complex human psyche is now struggling to fiddle with technology no longer applicable the next day they get off the bed. The fact is inevitably true but somehow, I wake everyday longing for that hot banana dumplings and extra thick coffee. Home-made, extra crispy and coffee seeds at the ring of my mug.

+ Don’t eat fish, they piss in the water (Jane Jones – Closer, 2005)

written by Syah.

-can't wait to read more of his scribbles..!